John Allsopp

Professionally engineered Internet solutions for humans

Almost Samsung: 30 November 2004: I bought a mobile phone magazine once. I actually had to order it. Twice (it didn't come the first time). It was part of my mobile phone decision process. I was left with two impressions. 1) I have nothing in common with people who get excited about the latest mobile phone features, 2) Samsung make nice looking phones.; Later, in a fug of frustration about the whole mobile phone thing, I thought, OK, I can't make a logical decision about the phone I want, I'll just buy a Samsung because it looks nice.; Tesco had one on display last time I went in there. I almost bought it on impulse.; Today I wandered around town and went in a few shops, saw the Samsung E600 and E700 available on O2 pay as you go, and given that no assistant seemed to want to talk to me and that no information was on display, I thought I'd revert to the Internet to decide between the two.; Samsung.com had something interesting. I told them what country I'm in, and they promised a funky phone choosing decision tree helper thingy. Great. It didn't work in Linux.; I fired up the XP test machine and went to samsung.co.uk. That didn't have the funky decision tree and took so long to load I got muscle cramps through dehydration. So I went to samsung.com and went through the decision tree. There were no questions about Bluetooth. Bluetooth is something I want. I don't know why, but it's something to do with enabling me, in the future, to play with Bluetooth as a technology. I'll be needing two Bluetooth devices, so I may as well make this my first. I have vague ideas about travelling with a laptop and connecting to the Internet without wires.; The phone samsung.com recommended looked OK, but the information was all about American networks so I thought I'd move back to samsung.co.uk and find the same phone. It wasn't there. Anyway, I've a horrible feeling no Samsung has Bluetooth. Otherwise, they'd have tried to sell it to me wouldn't they.; And that's the story of my brief fling with Samsung.; If any Samsung representatives ever visit Scarborough I'm going to turn all the road signs the wrong way around. Ha!
Trying to order an Indian takeaway: 29 November 2004: I phoned for an Indian takeaway last night. Just to check, I asked what was a "king prawn pakora". "It's made from floor, and the prawn is inside it". "O K . Is it a king prawn deep fried in batter?". "It's made from floor, and the prawn is inside it". "Tell you what, I'll order one and then I'll know, OK?"; It reminds me of buying a kebab (there was a time, yes, a long time ago) from a place at the top of Green Lane in Derby. I was with a friend (hi Rory) and we'd just been to the arty cinema there.; It must have been this time of year so we got to talking to the proprietor about office meals. He said he'd do something really special for us, a great big buffet and so on, and to make it absolutely the best, he'd come in our chicken.; We said "really, there'd be no need to go to such effort". But he insisted. No, he'd come in our chicken.; We never did order the meal. I wonder if he meant cumin?
More ethics and ripped off software: 29 November 2004: I missed something from the 'alternative' rant below. I know someone who lives very strongly by their beliefs and who can't help sometimes but to try to persuade you to their way of thinking every now and then.; In a way I admire them for their fortitude and think maybe if I wasn't in a relationship I'd be that way too. I don't think that would be good for me though, so thank goodness I am in a relationship.; Anyway, recent events have led me to think that this hugely principled person is running ripped off Windows software. Sorry to be vague but I'm trying not to identify the person.; That led me to re-inforce the idea that we should be led by our own hearts, not those of others. This person leads by example, is extremely principled and ethical.; The lesson I learned was that even the people who seem most dedicated to ethics and alternative living are simply doing what we all do. They are doing it because it makes them feel good. Vegans, for instance, don't live a life of torture, sitting huddled in the corner of the bathroom shaking because they can't have a Sunday roast (but they want it so badly). They are vegan because that's what makes them happiest overall. That means, firstly, there are going to be holes in their ethical stance, and secondly, we should know our own hearts and shouldn't necessarily be persuaded.; I got to wondering whether there were any truly ethical people, and started to think about religion. Maybe those who try their best to live according to religious beliefs are actually putting more effort into the ethical part of their lives. Because at least some religious rules are clearly laid out, it takes effort to follow them. In following other people's rules, you are making an effort to be ethical, rather than just following your heart.; There's also the question of consistency. When my partner and I became vegetarian (we are pescatarian (sp?) now) we got a whole load of flack about consistency from various tossers we happened to trip over. One notable one was a teacher and the husband of an acquaintance. He had the most bizarre beliefs about vegetarianism, and regailed us with tales of how he'd passed his wisdom on to his pupils. In the end, we made our excuses and literally ran away as fast as we could.; Another person I looked up to very much (hi Clive) back in my youth, once exclaimed under pressure (can't remember about what) "I never made any claim to consistency". He was right. No-one is consistent, we just do what we can. So if I don't eat meat because I don't like the way agriculture treats animals, that's a contribution. I drink milk though. That's inconsistent. But what I don't do is say "oh yes, that's inconsistent, I'd better start eating meat again". Being consistent isn't achievable and is a nonsense goal. It's about what you contribute, however imperfectly.
Route to Linux: 27 November 2004: If you're a Windows user and you're considering how you could possibly make the switch to Linux, or even whether you want to, what are the steps you might take?; Here's what I did. It may not work for everyone, but here goes.; According to Anthony Robbins, you can persuade yourself of anything. Consequently conviction is not truth. How that works is, you simply surround yourself with things that support your argument or belief.; Being surrounded by Microsoft and Windows will bolster your belief in their way. The truth is, it's not the only way and may not be the best way.; To start to break down those beliefs and open up to some other possibilities, you need to find things that support the route you'd like to take. Does that make you uncomfortable? What does that say about how Microsoft is marketing to you? How much do you spend on software each year?; For me it started on day 1 of university when (I think I've said this before but it's worth repeating), in module 1, lab 1, the lecturer (Angus Marshall) said "We're going to be writing raw HTML (no Dreamweaver), now log into Linux". Many of the staff were Linux advocates, and we spent probably 1/3 of our time using Linux. Having said that, I didn't have the time to learn Linux and we weren't really taught it either (part of one lecture was pretty much it). It was just that the spirit was there.; Once or twice I bought a Linux magazine. That convinced me the system was real and it would do everything I wanted.; One summer I took The Hacker Ethic on holiday, read it through and came away with shedloads of fantastic links to explore and, crucially, an understanding of the world Linux comes from and some knowledge of how it started. It may not be the best book though, have a look around.; One of the links was sourceforge. The moment I typed that address into my browser and clicked [return], everything changed. It was as if the curtains had been opened for the first time. This open source / linux stuff wasn't limited. It wasn't theory. It was real, incredibly broad in scope, huge, and happening right now.; From the book I was morally convinced. From sourceforge I knew it was possible. It took another three or four years before I actually took the plunge completely. In that time, because I understood that Linux tools were often not just free of charge, but better than their PC World counterparts, when I needed something I looked first of all at what was available in the open source world. Often nowadays there's a Windows version.; What gradually happened then is that when Windows software grew old or out of date and I needed a new facility that wasn't available unless I paid for an upgrade, I looked around for an up to date, free, open source software package and usually found one. Microsoft Office went first, replaced by Open Office. Internet Explorer went in favour of FireFox's ancestors. When I wanted a video editing product, I downloaded Virtual Dub.; Perhaps knowing in the back of my mind that the switchover was coming, I joined the local user group. There are linux user groups all over the place, take a look.; Over time, my PC became a Windows machine hosting a range of open source software products. The final switch was then easy. I could use all the same applications but just run them on Linux (rather than Windows). It doesn't seem so big a deal. It is, but it's probably the easiest way to make the jump.; With that, I was finally free of the guilt of running an old Windows version and not paying for an upgrade. I was free of the pressure. Free of the constant nagging .. have I downloaded the latest patch, am I going to get attacked by a virus?; Linux requires your active participation. Sometimes it's a struggle to get it to do what you want, so I have to say it's not for everyone. But if you're willing and able, that's how I did it.; One other thing. I've known a few 'alternative' people in my time and I have some good friends now who I would say are 'alternative'. I can't believe the number of those who run Windows (ripped off or not), and who, when they want, for instance Photoshop, they get hold of a ripped off copy and use that. I've lost count of the number of times I've been offered that. Although I've wanted to use Photoshop many times, I've always refused that (but, I used to run my entire business on ripped off software back in the eighties, so maybe it's an age or a knowledge thing).; I suppose it's ignorance, and for them, essentially stealing from a huge corporation like Microsoft is a statement. If you're 'alternative', you're not likely to make computers a high priority in your life.; But I think as a matter of principle, all left leaning, alternative people should be using Linux and free, open source software. It's a people versus faceless corporation thing. Or, if their answer is "well, I don't really use it, just a few emails", then use a web cafe. The pollution caused by us all having a PC is very significant. Sometimes I'm shocked, really shocked, to find flagship alternative operations using Microsoft. I'm sure I noticed indymedia using Microsoft previously, although it all seems fairly sorted now.
The Corporation: 27 November 2004: The Corporation looks good but sadly it doesn't appear to be coming to Scarborough, at least for a while.
Is there a numerologist in the house?: 26 November 2004: Every now and then I'll grab a handful of hazelnuts from the kitchen. I eat them two at a time. There is always an even number of hazelnuts. This must have cosmic significance, I need an emergency numerologist.
Dabs moan: 26 November 2004: I ordered a new motherboard from Dabs on the 18th. I received nothing, not even a confirmation of order by email (which I thought was law).; Granted, the item was out of stock when I placed my order, but it was a PC Pro best buy, so I'm imagining it's going to be available soon. I also placed some trust in Dabs that they wouldn't list an item they couldn't get.; The item shows as 'awaiting stock', which when expanded says rather reassuringly 'This means that we have either not ordered the item yet, or our supplier has not given a firm date. This status should change to a due date within two working days.' It's said this for the past four days or so.; I thought I'd ask what was going on, so I entered one of those labrynthine systems where you only get to ask your question after you've categorised your enquiry, read the help files and jumped through various hoops aimed at working out how it might be you that's wrong, not them. I did eventually find a form to complete, so gave my polite concerns, which include the fact that I've spent a substantial sum on memory that matches the board, and that memory has been delivered.; I got an automated response .. "our current response rate is 8 hours". 8 hours to respond to an email!; I always think of Tom Peters in these cases. He was railing against such garbage back in the eighties and, err, look how much has changed. He was talking about how the automotive industry has changed. How people used to have to wait for their car configuration to be manufactured. I remember him raising the point on behalf of a number of customers .. "so, are you not making cars today?" The unspoken hint being, because if you are, why don't you make mine.; An eight hour delay on answering an email query about an order I've placed simply means I'll never use Dabs again. They should get it sorted.; Update: They responded. They said, pretty much, "everything we know about dates is displayed". Cheers bud.
Tricolos moan: 26 November 2004: I just wanted to take the opportunity to moan about a local Italian restaurant, Tricolos.; A couple of years ago I organised a meal between about twenty local friends and we had a vote for which restaurant we wanted to go to. The most popular vote ... "anywhere except Tricolos".; I thought that was a bit strange as we'd always found it OK, although the brash birthday song that gets put over the PA every so often rather breaks the mood.; We did ask them once if they might do us a takeaway pizza and they turned their nose up at that, but we forgave them thinking maybe they were only licenced to provide food on the premises.; Anyway, the other day we were treated to off-hand, incredibly slow service and lacklustre food and generally came away with the impression that if they couldn't be bothered, then neither could we.; Interesting website design tho.
Successful Begging 101: 25 November 2004: I was walking over valley bridge .. the pedestrian one .. last Wednesday on my way to the gym with my headphones in and a wavering druggy type was walking the other way carrying a huge bottle of coca cola. Somehow I didn't quite ignore him enough, so he walked up to me as I passed and asked something.; I didn't realise what I was dealing with, so I smiled, apologised for having my headphones in, took them out, and asked him to repeat himself.; "Have you got a cigarette?"; WTF? Do I look like I've got a cigarette? I'm on the way to the gym for chrissakes.; If you want a cigarette, buy a cigarette. If you have no money but some friends, maybe they'll lend you one, but .. people on the street? When you're carrying a big bottle of coca cola that you've obviously just bought. If you've neither money nor friends then frankly, you don't deserve a cigarette. This is before we get into whether smoking itself is a good idea or not, particularly smoking when you haven't got much money.; But the biggest problem with that, is the loss of goodwill.; Last night I went for the first time to a local charity called the DIY Collective for a drum circle. I was apprehensive, because it's a charity for young people, and I didn't know what I was going to be getting into. The more I look into them, the more impressed I am though.; AFAIK they exist to help young people make music. They have their own recording studio, record label and shop. They are having an all day gig on the 22 December at the Corner Cafe featuring bands that have formed through the DIY Collective. Yep, that's how many there are. The list features more bands than there were in Nottingham when I was first in a band, when it was a popular thing to do, when I was their age. In other words, it's a huge success.; The people I met there were warm, friendly, funny, lovely people. I'd have given any one of them my last cigarette.; That guy with his Coca Cola bottle needs to get his marketing sorted out if he's going to succeed, because every time he asks someone the way he asked me, he makes the world less happy.
Ukraine: 23 November 2004: Good luck to the people of Ukraine (news, webcam, webcam).
An Allsopp casualty: 23 November 2004: There aren't many Allsopps around. Mostly, Allsop is spelled with one p. Sometimes with one l too. The Allsopps are more rare. So I was quite surprised to find an Allsopp casualty in Iraq. As far as I know we're not related.; He didn't go without a bit of Allsopp spirit being displayed.; I don't think it's aggrandizing the war to recognise the sacrifice those serving in Iraq are making. So here's to them.; Oh well. Now that's done we can get back to normal, the everyday the usual (Naomi Klein's favourites, from Time Out).
Linux is immediately useful: 23 November 2004: One thing someone at the local Linux group said has stuck with me. He said (yep, no women in that group) that Linux is useful straight away, whereas if you want Windows to be useful, you have to buy more applications. That's strange, since you've already paid for Windows, and Linux is free.; It's true though (depending on the distribution (supplier) you choose). Linux comes with Open Office so you can do all the things you can pay another few hundred pounds for in Microsoft Office, a file uncompressing tool so you don't have to pay for WinZip, The Gimp for image manipulation, a PDF viewer .. even GnuCash so you don't need Quicken. It's even more secure. So all those racks of software packages at PC World are pretty much all catered for by free software that either comes with Linux or may be downloaded and installed free of charge.; It's not an 'easy' operating system though. Mostly that's because most people are used to the way Windows works and to think of a computer operating a different way involves a bit of a mind warp. But it's also genuinely hard to overcome some issues. I still haven't got my soundcard working. I haven't got Linux networked with my other machine yet. I haven't managed to create an mp3 file yet. But that's because these are not priority problems to me. They are solvable. That's just it though, you have to be willing to learn about Linux in order to solve the problems. It's a bit like owning a tractor or a digger ... it's a hell of a beast, it'll do loads of stuff, but you have to know how it works in order to take care of it and there are lots of new controls and levers to learn about.; So that's the trade. You can get out of the Wintel rat race and save lots of money but you'll have to work at it.
Apples on the Internet: 22 November 2004: I've had a bit of a revelation. It's about search engine optimisation (SEO), or getting your web page a good position in the search engines. Imagine the faintly ridiculous idea that people in Scarborough buy their apples over the Internet.; If you ran a greengrocery stall in Scarborough's market and you'd already done lots of traditional marketing, advertising, PR, a local exhibition or two, that sort of thing, you'd be used to thinking big, to puffing your chest out a little and thinking of yourself as something like 'the lifestyle solution for the modern family who want to eat healthily and enjoy life'.; To market yourself on the Internet, you have to turn the optic around. Don't think big. Think small. Think detail. If you have Cox's Orange Pippins, you want to make sure you catch the surfer looking for them. Why? Because the Internet now hosts so many websites that only specific search queries yield sensible, useful answers.; Imagine your potential customer starts off by searching for 'apples'. After discovering a multitude of stuff about growing apples, Apple Computers, apples and oranges in children's books and so on, they might then enter "apples Scarborough". They would still see a lot of useless information .. recipes, information about the wrong Scarborough, and nonsense about comparing apples with apples and getting rid of bad apples. They need a way of honing it down even further. Maybe they wonder if anyone has their favourite apple in stock, so they then type "Cox's Orange Pippin apples in Scarborough", or maybe what they're bothered about is that the apples are organic, so "organic apples in Scarborough Yorkshire".; Now. Here's the revelation. Notice what's happening. Lots of searches for "apples" from people all over the world with a range of different needs the vast majority of which I couldn't fulfil, fewer for "apples Scarborough", and next to none for "Cox's Orange Pippin apples in Scarborough". Yet this last is the one that brings the buyer to you. Not only that, they want exactly what you sell. They're going to buy.; Why is that a revelation? I've been using Wordtracker to help me work out the best keyword and keyphrases to optimise sites for. To be honest, I've been keeping it pretty close to my chest, thinking of it as a bit of a secret weapon (it's certainly no secret in the SEO community, but still). What I now see is that in this situation it will obviously show me there are lots of searches for "apples", a medium quantity of searches for "apples Scarborough", and next to none for "Cox's Orange Pippin apples in Scarborough". It's almost useless, in other words.; So what works? The problem "Cox's Orange Pippin apples in Scarborough" sets us, is that there's probably just one customer who would ever search for that phrase. Another would search for something different. Yet we can only optimise for a few key phrases. What's to do?; There's no easy answer. Perhaps the most important technique is to be able to write relevant, readable, engaging copy that also happens to contain lots of relevant keywords. To do that, you have to have an idea which keywords you want to include, and to do both you need to understand the audience you are writing for.; In a sense, all you have to do, then, is create a really good website. No tips, no tricks, just do it well and the customers will find you in all their myriad ways.
Granadian chocolate: 22 November 2004: I'm in love.; For her birthday, I bought my g/f a membership of the 70% club (a short one, I'm not that well off :-) ). As a member she gets a monthly package of fine chocolate from around the world. We just did our first tasting.; Regarding the taste, I'll just say that it was as fulfilling as wine tasting. The depths, the variations, the textures, the aftertaste, the nose. Very special.; The best one, taste-wise, for us, was from the Grenada Chocolate Company. Organic dark chocolate, 71% cocoa. Add to that the gorgeous packaging and what it says on the back: "Experience the taste of Grenada with this delicious dark chocolate crafted in the heart of cocoa country. We are a cocoa growing and chocolate making cooperative, producing chocolate from tree to bar. Our organic cocoa farm, nestled in the lush Caribbean rainforest, produces cocoa beans world famous for rich complex flavour. The fresh organic beans are carefully fermented, dried and wood-roasted to perfection. Heavy granite rollers grind and mix them with organic cane sugar. A special process called 'conching' conditions the chocolate, creating an intensely rich flavour and velvet texture. Because we care about our environment, we use solar energy to power our factory. Enjoy!" and the ingredients "organic cocoa beans, organic cane sugar, fresh organic cocoa butter, organic vanilla, soy lecithin (an emulsifier), tender artistry" and tell me you don't feel good. Now that is what life's all about.; It's more important than that though. For one thing, it shows how it's possible to make a living in a completely positive way.; For another, any consumer of the British media might be forgiven for thinking that other countries are unsafe, violent, lawless places .. the Caribbean is full of yardies, while South America is one big drug factory with a few bankrupt countries thrown in. On investigation, Grenada itself was the subject of an invasion by the US under Reagan in 1983, but maybe that's one of the US' success stories as the island has been democratic and peaceful since.; It's not just the media either. My mum recently took a Saga day trip into Morocco, a place my g/f and I wanted to visit, and some of her party were scared by local youths making throat slitting gestures at them. So I have to say I'm rather put off travel outside safe neighbouring countries at the moment. I know it's irrational, I know the media blow things out of all proportion, but it is how I feel.; Except this chocolate bar says not. I absolutely want to visit their co-operative. I want to spend a week in their village, maybe even to be a volunteer to make chocolate with them (pick crop, whatever). Grenada sounds absolutely beautiful.; Recently the Grenada Chocolate Company suffered a major setback from Hurricane Ivan. They don't think they'll be able to make chocolate for almost a year. Take a look at their website for some heartwarming tales of the recovery. The website itself could do with some improvements, but I'll forgive them that.; As an aside, if Ivan was a category 5 hurricane with winds faster than 156 mph, what is it that limits our wind strength? Why can't we have winds of 1,000mph, or 10,000mph? Is it our planet's size? The speed of our spin? Our density and size (and therefore the density of our atmosphere)? Or is it all about temperature differences? I was just thinking about global warming, about how destructive really strong winds could be, and whether there's anything else to worry about there. Anyway, I had a crap night's sleep and my eyes won't focus so I'm going back to bed for an hour.
Iraq from the inside: 19 November 2004: It's always interesting to get the unfiltered news from people on the ground. In this case, Dahr Jamail.
Fox Hunting Banned: 19 November 2004: Fantastic. Fox hunting banned. Two things. The Today programme this morning had interviews with people planning civil disobedience. Landowners disallowing the MOD from practicing on their land, the electricity board from running pylons, the water authority from getting to weirs to repair them. It's one thing using civil disobedience to, for instance, protest against a war. That has moral authority. It's quite another to use such tactics in order to pursue a blood sport. That's just using your considerable assets for selfish gain.; The other thing is, when you next drive through the countryside, bear in mind the Countryside Alliance's impression that farming life is embattled and hard done by. Look at the farmhouses as you drive. They are almost always ridiculously huge (beyond what one family, even an extended family could use). Often new. Always well maintained.; Oh, and I saw a press release about a 'delectable' new farm shop at Castle Howard that aims to provide access to local quality food for "the local community". What local community? Castle Howard is in the middle of nothing, and it's a huge estate .. it's land that's been disinfected against people for miles around. Who are they trying to kid? If it were for the local community, it would be in Pickering. It's for their own income, full stop.; I was thinking maybe fox hunting would come back when the tories get in again. But it looks like labour will win next year's election, and probably we can expect the one after that (people may be willing to give Brown a chance, they gave John Major one after Thatcher). By the time the tories get back in again, the red coats will be moth eaten, the hounds curled up in front of fireplaces, the horses turned to Pritt Stick. It may be gone forever. We can hope.
alternativeSlogans: 18 November 2004: I'm sick of tired and worn out alternative slogans. I recently received a catalogue selling a t-shirt with the slogan "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat". The other one "only when man ... will he realise he can't eat money" by chief tonto sunrise or whatever his name was .. is not only well past its sell-by date, it's not particularly true. Then there's the "woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle".; Maybe I'm irritated by the American campaigner against gays in the clergy who said "God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve" who made me just want to slap her around the head (in a John Cleese comedy kinda way) and implore her to engage her brain. People who use slogans like that simply can't be bothered to think for themselves and don't deserve to disturb the air with their inanity. Instead of the message, I hear my respect hit the dusty ground with a cartoon thud. Maybe try using them like a dictaphone, you never know, you might help them find their life's calling. Anyway, what kind of person campaigns against gays in the clergy? Maybe it's good that they're all in one place and not out in the community.; I can't actually make up my mind whether alternative thinkers would regard this as a positive thing. Truth continues while the rest of the world frenetically digs its own grave. The permanence of the slogans reflecting their permanent truth.; Or is it fair to criticise on the basis that I'd expect alternative culture to be more organic, more creative, more human than that? Isn't that the attraction? If the choice is between our fast moving world where the ads and their slogans change continually, and one where we have to put up with chief tonto sunrise every day, I think I prefer the former.
Just In Time 2: 17 November 2004: A friend (hi Steve) reacted to my Just In Time blog below by saying that the best way would be for the manufacturer to deliver to me direct. That's true of course, in principle. My rant, though, was about going shopping online, finding that all the sellers displayed a stock level, and all showed zero, and that this was commonplace.; What does a stock level of zero mean? Have they got a warehouse with a shelf labelled "okeydokey2000" with no stock?; Are they getting stock sent direct from the manufacturer? In which case, why are they displaying a stock level at all?; I'd have thought the manufacturers themselves would want to remove the hassle of warehousing and distribution. Traditionally product would go down a bulk-breaking chain .. the manufacturer would deal with a few wholesalers who would deliver to retailers who would sell to us. Has that model entirely broken down now? Why would a manufacturer be persuaded to take on the hassle of storing and delivering individual products to individual customers?; Anyway, my point was that whatever the system is, it failed me when I wanted new computer bits. I want to be able to order today and receive tomorrow. The only company that managed that was the fantastic Quiet PC, a British company co-incidentally based in Malton, the next station on our train line. I ordered around lunchtime, within 90 minutes I'd received confirmation of order, and shortly after that confirmation of shipping. The order arrived the next day. Gizza big hug Quiet PC, I love you. 22/11/04 Update: I emailed Quiet PC about my happiness, pointing them here. By the time I'd read my next email, they'd replied. Is there no limit to their goodness?
Linux compatibility issues: 17 November 2004: I met a friend when I was down in London. When I told her I'd moved to Linux she reacted with "you'll spend all your time on compatibility issues". Granted, I haven't got my soundcard to work yet, and I'm still looking for a decent programmer's editor to replace TextPad, but otherwise it's working pretty well.; Maybe she meant things like MS file formats. Well, Word, Excel and all those are dealt with by Open Office. I'll just have to teach my clients to send files in open formats. That's just good practice.
Do Not Move: 17 November 2004: As my train pulled out of Kings Cross station the other week, I noticed a pile of signs saying "do not move". If I were a rookie track engineer sent to get them, I wouldn't be able to move them from their storage space.; This reminds me of a time when I stood in the kitchen unable to put away a jar of jam because we hadn't worked out where jam was stored. My g/f, in frustration, put one jar in the cupboard and instantly defined where the jams go. I was happy to place the rest of the jams there because precedent had been set.
Hassan: 16 November 2004: If Margaret Hassan has been killed then the perpetrators will find they have no support even among their friends and will lose everything. And far from breaking our spirit, they will make us all the more determined.
Leaves on the line: 16 November 2004: The phrase 'leaves on the line' strikes dread into the heart of any British commuter. For those reading outside the UK, it's a common reason given in the autumn by the railways for transport delays and has become a comedy staple.; At Scarborough station there's now a helpful leaflet about the problem. It explains how leaves, when subjected to the immense pressure of being run over by a train, carbonise and do the equivalent of 'teflon coat' the rails. This makes it harder to stop the train, so they have to go slower. Fine.; But all this is due to that announcement. If the excuse were "adverse conditions" we'd all be happy about it. If they just use something more believable as a reason for delays, there'd be no reason for the leaflet, and the railways would be less of a laughing stock (no pun intended).
Just In Time: 16 November 2004: The Japanese idea of Just In Time, or Kanban, as I understood it when it became popular, was that production lines should concentrate on manufacture, get rid of all their warehousing and inventory tasks, and employ a logistics company to deliver the parts the production line needed just exactly when it needed them.; I wonder how that translated from Japan into Britain's transport infrastructure.; It could only work, also, if the parts were always delivered to the quality level required. As such, it's an add on to the quality control systems the Japanese developed that made them such a force in the world.; So how come when I want to buy something online, no-one has any stock and I have to wait one or more days before the company I've purchased from buys it for me?; It's not as if I'm buying unpopular things. I've recently bought a number of PC Pro best buys from the companies the magazine recommends. While the delivery part works, the main delay is due to the company I'm ordering from not keeping stock. Would it kill them to pre-order say twelve or twenty four hours worth of stock so they can send stuff out the day we order it?; When I ordered my new screen, I searched for a vendor with one in stock. No-one had the black version in stock, only one had the lovely beige version, and I ordered that in order to receive it quickly.; If someone did have a day's kit in stock and dispatched within a few hours, I think they'd clean up, even if there was a pound or two to pay for the privilege.
Four poster beds: 16 November 2004: Four poster beds are just naff. The bed at Lancrigg was one, quite a nice one, but it's much less than its image. It's just four posts, a few bits of wood to make a frame, and then some lace tacked on.; It's one of those things that marketing people love .. its image is bigger than the reality. It takes very little to make a four poster bed, but it raises the status of the whole room and means you can charge much more for it.; We once stayed in a hotel in Orpington, Kent (not the most attractive place to start with), and had the honeymoon suite which basically meant there was a four poster bed .. made of plywood, with lace attached with a staple gun.; The evening meal was like a Dyno-Rod convention .. a room full of blokes who were clearly staying over after a day's drain clearing.; In the morning, the proprietor asked us if we liked our four poster bed as if it was a real treat. It's depressing me now. Maybe I'm an ungrateful git. Maybe for the people of Orpington that plywood four poster was heaven sent. Who knows. Anyway, that experience lead us to conclude that the mere words "four poster bed" means nothing. Maybe there are luscious four posters we've not had the pleasure of, but for now we'll not be swayed by those three words any more (not that we ever were).
Sheep: 13 November 2004: While on holiday at Lancrigg we started to wonder whether sheep, despite their happy demeanour, actually live in perpetual angst. While the proverb "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" means a little to us, maybe it has overriding significance for sheep.; Maybe they live their entire lives feeling like they're eating substandard grass, and that there's better grass to be eaten over there. Then they'll start to think they're not worthy of the good grass. Other sheep have it, but they don't.; Maybe we've only ever tasted meat from angst ridden sheep. If we could only overcome this, maybe clothes made from wool from happy sheep would feel like being draped in angels (naked ones, obviously), and their meat would melt until it felt like God had arrived there. I guess he'd be a bit surprised if his second coming was in our mouth, but that's life.; (I'm really sorry about that, the words made me do it).; Or maybe it's the angst that makes it good, maybe happy sheep meat would taste bland, it had nothing to strive for. Not that I've eaten meat for almost a decade (besides that hideous lump of beef Eastern Paradise dropped into my vegetarian curry one night).
John Peel: 12 November 2004: Almost perfectly a year ago I blogged a little about how important John Peel was to me and how I feared his death. Now it's happened. He was buried today.; I heard that he'd died as the band I'm in was about to practice. I wouldn't have been in that band if it wasn't for Peel.; It's not the only band I've been in. As an adolescent I played guitar in a band called Splat! We made two records, had our own record company, played in pubs a lot around Nottingham, played at the Melkweg in Amsterdam to about three people, and, crucially, were played twice on Peel's show.; Our singer, Dave Moscow, waited for Peel in the BBC entrance hall. When Peel arrived, he accepted our record. That's how we got on the show. Dave was able to call Peel during the show between records, let him know news, and then he'd announce our gigs and the like.; Almost every record in my collection is there because of Peel. In the tributes since his death I've heard a lot about The Undertones, Beefheart, The Fall, Pulp, The Smiths, The Wedding Present, Melys .. the list of bands that really wouldn't be so well known if it weren't for Peel is endless. And that's just the indie bands, obviously he played reggae, techno .. all sorts of stuff. When I adolesced to punk, there was no-where else I could hear that music.; Incidentally, seeing The Undertones was the best gig I ever saw. It was during the time when the Cure had released "The Forest" and their gig in Leeds was pretty dire. A disappointment after their wonderful gig in Nottingham that coincided with their debut album. I seem to remember the PA for that gig was entirely Bose. Or was that for Wire? That PA sounded incredible anyway.; Anyway, later I visited my friend Neville Tooby (if you're out there, do get in touch) who was at Liverpool university. He chose to see The Cure, while I went to The Undertones at, I think, the Empire, which was (is?) a traditional theatre with tiers of audience. I was at the top, in the stalls .. is that what you call it? Anyway, The Undertones overflowed with joy, energy, love, enthusiasm, and pure innocent beauty ... the whole place danced through the set from start to finish, even me, and the rest of us, up at the top, right at the back.; I notice, in the tributes, no-one's mentioned Bjork, yet I remember him playing many, many Sugar Cubes tunes.; One of the things that I once wanted to do is now being done on the Internet by the likes of lastfm. It was to connect the musical tastes of different people. If you like Brian Eno and Frank Zappa, and I like Brian Eno and U2, maybe you should listen to U2, and I should explore Frank Zappa. I didn't pursue it because I thought, actually, our tastes are dictated by marketing. It wouldn't lead to anything leftfield, it would just move everyone towards Brian Adams and other middle of the road bilge.; That's the problem. Having been in marketing, I know how magazines and newspapers are put together. The NME is written by PR and marketing people in the music industry. You only have to look at the headlines on their site to know that. So how do you get to hear music independently of it being marketed to you? How do you get to hear music purely on its merit? We need expert, unbiased guidance.; That's what Peel did. Bands to this day did what we did. They sent him tapes, they wrote to him, called him, and he played their music if he liked it. There was no marketing involved. It was direct. He plugged directly into the independent music scene.; Without him, I very much fear that British music will lose it's specialness. We'll become like Belgium. How, now, will bands get started? Maybe nobody cares .. how many adolescents nowadays dream of being in a band?; Still, we have lost something huge. Something about British spirit and innovation. Time will show us that.
More Clarkson: 12 November 2004: I happened to catch a program about Cartier's marketing last night. Clarkson went even higher in my estimation. Cartier organised an event at Goodwood for the finest of society to attend. The Queen included. You don't need a link for her surely. You're kidding? Oh alright then. The Queen included. The aim was to ensure that everyone knew about Cartier, what they were doing, and when they went shopping, they thought Cartier.; Clarkson was there to judge the antique cars for style. When asked about Cartier, he said something like "you know what, I haven't the faintest idea what Cartier do. What do they make? Is it perfume?" We need people like that.
Arafat: 12 November 2004: I know very little about Yasser Arafat. I understand a little more now that he's died, and I'm interested in learning more. It sounds like he put Palestine on the map, and given the hassle they've had to put up with, it's no wonder he is regarded as so important by the Palestinians. OK, he dealt it too, but, cornered animals and all that. He did win the Nobel Peace Prize too.; What about him being a terrorist? Gerry Adams, Martin McGuinness and Nelson Mandela. No more need be said.; There is ridiculousness here too. Who managed to suppress a smile when the comedy french military chap came out to announce "Monseiur Arafat n'est pas decede" and then a day later "Monseiur Arafat est decede"?; Then there were the tributes from all over the world followed by the Israeli Justice Minister Tommy Lapid saying "(It is) good that the world is rid of him". Funny, the Israelis always seemed so friendly and accommodating.; Also, just to illustrate the power of spin and viral marketing, the main thing I remember about Arafat is when Kate Adie said he had really bad breath. I saw her say it twice, possibly decades ago, and ever since, that's the overriding thought whenever I've seen images of him on tv.; My partner has the same problem with Idi Amin. What dominates her mind is a sketch by Lenny Henry where he sat at a desk dressed as Idi Amin with just an in-tray and a name plate "Idi Amin". Then he turned the name plate around so it read "Idi Amout" and walked off.; Lenny Henry deserves more. I've seen him do a helplessly funny sketch about racists who smeared human shit on his door and pushed more through his letterbox. His powerful, serious look to camera after that hilarity was to the perpetrators and I think he was saying "Look. This is what I do. You will not stop me."; Interestingly, Osama Bin Laden says he determined to become a terrorist and later specifically to attack the twin towers when he saw the destruction wrought on Palestine and Lebanon, particularly on inhabited Lebanese tower blocks, by Israel, backed by America. I wonder what new terrorists we're creating now.
Nothing works: 12 November 2004: I'm in a world of frustration, but I think it's just how things are. The more toys you have, the more frustrating things are. Nothing works. The pillows I sleep on. The new roof hasn't stopped the damp patches on the chimney breast. The fridge leaks water. This Linux installation .. I still can't get my soundcard to work. The bass speaker in my car. And the other day, we finally took the plunge and started action through the county court against Peter Stockill Ltd and Black Horse Ltd for the paintwork on our car. I had to threaten court to get Reg Dennis plumbing to come out to, essentially, properly install the pump they installed eleven months ago. It's like being a slave to your equipment, all the time you spend running after it all to take care of it.; It's all so flakey. I hate flakey, just-good-enough-ness. Maybe that's why my websites actually work, but take a while. I don't do "good-enough".; No wonder I liked my safe little Windows '98 machine. It worked, perfectly fine, for six years. Why change that (until I had to). It was even so old that most viruses didn't affect it.
Style=fart: 12 November 2004: One of Sagmeister's slogans is style=fart, which I think means that style without meaning, purpose, function, is nothing. That must be pretty much revolutionary in graphic design, where style means so much.
Stripey wallpaper: 9 November 2004: You can never have pictures that don't hang straight if you have stripey wallpaper.
Shoes that print: 9 November 2004: I keep wanting shoes that print www.johnallsopp.co.uk as I walk. The other day I started trying to work out how I could carve it into my soles.
Random paragraphs in Sagmeister book: 8 November 2004: Occasionally there'd be a completely random paragraph or two in his book. As if there'd been a printing error, and part of a romantic novel or cold war thriller had been cut and pasted in by accident.
Sagmeister's skill: 8 November 2004: I love one of the quotes from a Sagmeister client: "he understands the problem, circles the subject, grabs it, turns it around, rips out its secret, separates it, forms it into a picture and gives back the secret". I think that's the best definition of good graphic design I've heard.; It's also said that he makes his clients work hard. I think I do too. Is that a good thing?; Actually, he says his methodology is like this:
Sleeping with two women, a vegetarian hotel and keeping it small: 5 November 2004: While holidaying at Lancrig (fantastic vegetarian food, by the way), I read Stefan Sagmeister's Made You Look - Another self indulgent monograph.; One of his goals (I can't remember if it was before or after "sleep with two women"), was "don't grow". While I can only think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages in the former, I absolutely concur with the latter. Growing was the main goal of my former company. It only took me further from what I do well, and into people management. I am good interpersonally, but for some reason didn't get fulfilment from the larger company. Keep it simple, keep it small. That's why there's just me, and it's why I don't outsource either. It means you (my lovely clients) have to wait a while until I get around to you, but it means the quality of the work you do receive is exemplary.
Nothing works: 5 November 2004: Nothing seems to work. I just tried to order from Maplin and it wouldn't accept my customer details, nor would it allow me to register as a new customer. 12 Nov: It worked a few days later, but no-one replied to my email.; I just tried to install a new mouse in the other machine and the instructions require me to wait three hours for the batteries to charge. Three hours! It doesn't tell you about that on the box .. fantastic new feature, you have to wait three hours during which time you can't use the computer because you have no mouse, yet you have to live with the noise of it while you do other things. What other things can you do without your computer?; My life is hell :-)
Ban fox hunting: 4 November 2004: I just wrote to my MP. I think I've only ever done that once before. You can do it here.; Dear Mr Lawrie Quinn,; I haven't written about this before, but I feel moved to ask you to support a complete ban on fox hunting and to reject the compromise that would allow licenced hunts.; The complete ban is the most popular choice. Although Tony Blair may have promised to ban fox hunting in a rash moment, it was a beacon of hope for many. He will gain much by implementing it in full, and lose a great deal by delay or compromise.; It goes without saying that fox hunting is cruel and distasteful. I won't repeat all those arguments.; My partner and I used to live in part of a farmhouse in Derby. One day we noticed our cats cowering in the corners of the house. When we listened, we could hear a hunt. We didn't know in which direction it was heading, so, fearing a pack of dogs and horses would fly at speed over the hedgerows at us, we stayed in until it was over. It caused the same reaction in us as if a gang of hooligans were outside the house. We felt threatened. Fox hunting is antisocial behaviour.; All the arguments I have seen to keep fox hunting seem to be easily rejected.; If you'd seen the damage a fox does to a chicken coop, you'd want to keep their numbers down too: Are they really telling us that chickens are kept in coops, and insecure ones at that? My partner's mother keeps chickens in a coop on an allotment. They watch foxes in the garden at night. There's been no problem.; Fox numbers need to be kept down: Their numbers will grow to take advantage of the food they can find. If we can organise ourselves to hunt them, we can organise ourselves to secure sheds, bins and the like.; The alternative ways of killing foxes will be worse for the fox: I can't think of much that could be worse than being hunted by dogs, but this is simply a threat. If, and it's a huge if, there's a need to kill foxes, there's surely a humane way to do it.; It's part of our heritage and way of life: like being hung, drawn and quartered you mean? Child abuse is part of some families' heritage. It's simply no defence.; It will threaten our jobs: So what? Everyone's jobs are under threat. The world keeps changing and you have to change with it. If the argument is that the government shouldn't legislate to cut jobs, there are plenty of times that the government legislates to improve standards, for instance health and safety, that directly makes the worst performing companies close. I know of a scaffolding company that couldn't afford to implement the latest legislation and had to close.; They will have to kill the hunting dogs: That's simply another threat. I'm sure if the dogs were made available many campaigners would give them a good home. Even if they do, I'm sure they would kill them humanely. That's better than continuing with fox hunting.; It's the thin end of the wedge, angling will be next: I don't think there's a popular desire to curb angling.; It's pure prejudice: This labour government has been less 'left', less 'socialist' than any before. It's a popular government. Is this part of a nanny state? Again, anyone would want state intervention to stop cruelty in the home, this is the same thing.; These views extend to any hunting with dogs.; I hope you can help implement a total ban.
Death of system, birth of Linux: 4 November 2004: The blogging haitus has been down to a couple of things. Firstly, I went away for a long weekend in the Lake District. Very nice, but then I accidentally erased all the pictures, so you'll just have to imagine it.; Then I bought a V-Stream Xpert TV-PVR PCI card for my main Windows '98 machine so that I could accept videos sent by a client, in order to publish them on his website. Granted, the card required W98 Second Edition, and I was running First, so I knew the risks, but it did something to my display that I couldn't fix.; Why was I using Windows '98, in 2004? Well, if it ain't broke don't fix it. I'm no gamer, I don't download music or film, so I'd no need for anything bigger or faster. Also, the PC was set up for audio, I've an E-MU Audio Production Studio sound card and everything was optimised to overcome any delay in audio processing. There was a time when I used to write my own tunes in Cubase. Knowing the company who supplied it had tuned and tested it, I didn't want to mess with anything.; There's also an argument for computer programmers to use systems that are commonplace in their user group, rather than a super duper machine. That way, the programmer gets to feel the speed and reaction time of their software.; Anyway, it transpired that I would have to spend a lot of time to get Windows '98 back. That didn't make much sense. I'd be better off spending that time implementing a new operating system.; I've another machine running Windows XP. I can't help but feel that Windows, in its efforts to become more user friendly, is becoming much more irritating. It's like trying to drive, not knowing where you're going, and having a really irritating relative in the back seat saying "I'm sure you needed the left turn back there. Don't you think you're driving a bit fast? Mind that cyclist".; Windows is a consumer product at heart. Whenever I talk to the people who host my websites, they are invariably running Linux. Although I spent three years at university where Linux was often the operating system we used, I didn't really understand it. I'll be honest, I didn't really even understand the file system. I'm quite peeved at the uni for that, but that's another story.; So, I decided to opt for Linux. Red Hat 9 to be precise (simply because I've got the book on that, so I'll start there). It's taken this long to get back online and able to update my site.; Part of the argument for using LaTeX, a text formatting system that takes plain text and turns it a beautifully formatted document automatically and comes free with Linux, is that writing in a WYSIWYG system is distracting. It turns your attention away from writing, and focusses it on presentational matters. Windows has gone even further with the violently distracting paperclip helper.; It feels like I've come home. It feels right. As I learn, I'm seeing more things I like. Linux feels like a 'proper' operating system. I feel like I'm computing again.; I can share a few first impressions. I asked the local user group what their favourite FTP software was (FTP software is what I use to transfer files between my computer and your website), then realised gFTP is included. That's a Windows habit born of the fact that Windows itself isn't that useful. Linux is useful right after installation. It comes with Open Office, a Microsoft Office equivalent that will read all the Microsoft Office file formats. With Windows, not only do you have to pay for Windows itself, you have to pay for lots of software to go with it. Linux is pretty much free, and most of what you need comes right out of the box.; I am finding I'm having to learn Linux. I'm leaning heavily on the local user group (find yours). I'm working through SAM's Teach Yourself Red Hat Linux in 24 hours.; But did we not learn Windows, back in the distant past? Windows is only easy because we're used to it. We can get used to something else. If that something else is better, then it's right to do it.; One other thing is that as I'm learning basic commands and functions such as grep, the text editors, find and locate, the file structure, navigation, piping and so on, I'm feeling empowered. I feel like with a few tools I can master Linux. Windows gives me a different feeling. The solution to every problem seems to be to follow a recipe ... click this icon, then the thingy tab, then choose this, then that. At the end, you understand no more than you did when you started. I'm currently trying to install a simple network card in the Windows XP machine and the icons the instructions want me to click simply aren't there. Where do you go from there? Linux feels different, it feels like it's driven by principles and once you understand those, you can drive Linux.