John Allsopp

Professionally engineered Internet solutions for humans

A grand musical Sunday: 30 August 2005: We had a grand musical Sunday, last. Strangely it had recently, and independently, occurred to both of us that Radio One has become listenable toable again. We sensed an upsurge of new British bands and thought it best if we worked out what the young people are listening to.; So I rather spoiled the moment by instantly formulating a system. We would, I pronounced, look through the Observer's Music Monthly magazine and pull out the names of new bands we'd heard of and were curious about, and mix that up with the Mercury Music Prize nominees and current chart bands and create a shortlist.; Then we'd sit with iTunes and sample those band's latest albums, tracks 2, 6, and the most downloaded track from the album. We'd each score them out of ten, and then we'd go and buy the highest scoring ones from HMV. Sorted.; One song that my partner wanted and I woke up to is Bodyrockers' "I like the way". Maybe it's overplayed now, but when it came out it was a real breath of fresh air. Thinking about band songwriting, it's easy to say all the best lyrics are gone, all the melodies are already taken. Beefheart famously threw away his saxophone because it had run out of notes. "I like the way" is like an explosion .. it forces space for itself in an instant, and there's no ignoring it. Proof positive that the only limit is your imagination and your dedication. That's what I need to do with my songwriting. Here is proof that there's music out there to buy.; Anyway, the shortlist, and the scores (out of twenty), were like this ... in the order in which I found the band names:; By this time my partner, bored with the instant rigidity I'd imposed and fretful of passing time, went to catch the cat while I pressed on through Antony and the Johnsons, Maximo Park, MIA, Polar Bear, Babyshambles, Franz Ferdinand, Arcade Fire, and Mystery Jets, none of which really fired me up, but the Subways I scored 8, and Simian I really liked.; To be honest, I was disappointed with all that. I adolesced to punk as I've said many times before, so English guitar bands are supposed to light my candle but all I could think was they all sounded the same as each other, and if they didn't they all sounded like XTC. Loads of bands sound like XTC (another example of why Flash is bad) nowadays, especially Franz Ferdinand, very strange.; Anyway, we didn't buy Black Rebel Motorcycle Club because it was a special high priced version with free hot air balloon and toasted cheese sandwich, so we thought we'd wait, and couldn't find Simian, probably because the CD was a few years old. We got The Killers, The Rasmus (confused by them .. are they Finnish or am I getting two bands confused?), the White Stripes (most exciting), and we bought Stereophonics just because HMV wanted us to do that in order to get a 2-for-thingy deal. Ali bought Groove Armada and Basement Jaxx, and I bought Bjork's CD entirely composed of versions of Army Of Me.; What stood out was that, dammit, even the best of the funky new bands sounded samey, a little unexciting, derivative. The point, people .. listen up now .. the point of punk wasn't to carve out a musical style and then keep playing that until we die, it was to grasp the spirit of change, of youth, of undying energy, of breaking boundaries for the right reasons, and to run with that until we died. The White Stripes are different. They break all kinds of rules. We like that.; So a snippet of early Prodigy, played in the mass of all that iTune-ness, is the only thing that really gave us a thrill, and there's a new remix of an early tune I heard flit through the radio that really does work a treat.; Listening back to the CDs at home we found we couldn't read and listen at the same time. Must be an age thing. Anyway, with some trepidation we put on the Bjork Army of Me cd. This, scarily, is a cd composed entirely of different versions of the same song (albeit one of my favourites .. and you can't deny that dress she wears on the video!). They were all sent in to her website, I think, and profits go to Unicef's work with children. I think it might have something to do with the tsunami too. There was no need to worry, this is fantastic, really. It's got more variety than all the rest of the CDs put together .. from a grunge rock version to a french-styled accordian version. Might you get bored with a cd containing the same song over and over? Not a chance, many are almost unrecognisable from the original. So I learned something interesting about the cover versions we're doing in the band, that they really, really don't have to be true to life versions (although while I'm still learning drums I still want to push through 'accuracy' to reach my 'take' on the other side). It put me in mind of the CSS Zen Garden which allows people to create their own website designs for the same content.; So that's kind-of irritating, that, in true grown-up style I couldn't quite get into the new bands and fell back to a previous era and to accomplished artists, albeit what I fell back to was early Prodigy. I even thought the latest White Stripes single has the feel of a Rolling Stones tune and it made me want to investigate them (the Rolling Stones) more. Actually, also we listened to The Bluetones' set at Beached from our bed and, I remember now, that's where I first got the 'Rolling Stones' influence feeling and thought 'I ought to work that out'. I even suggested we might go and see the Stones on the current tour. I've become the person banging on about how The Beatles could all play their instruments and how you can't hear the tune in todays music.; Update: Apparently I missed Athlete and The Bravery.; We weren't done. A friend (hi John) had invited us to see a favoured artist of his, Holly Jazz Lowe, playing at Cellars. We ended up sat at the front so got the full effect. She is really quite something. Firstly, a very expressive, capable and flexible singing voice and real piano skills. She does cover versions, but actually (and very unusually) perhaps her own songs seemed better. All three of us at the table were taken on journey after journey. Lowe writes excellent lyrics that travel easily from her heart to yours, and inbetween she's engaging, charming and self deprocating. She puts her all into her art.; She was accompanied by two accomplished musicians, Dave Lowe (father perhaps?) and Dave Greaves (plays as a blues duo with Richard Adams of Stony (you have to say 'Stony' in hushed, respectful tones, I've no idea why)). All I can find for websites are this chap who is a bodybuilder (probably not the same Dave Greaves, if you know a better one let me know), and this curiosity which, I think, actually might be the same Dave Lowe .. fascinating and fantastic. Greaves, particularly, got the chance to stand out with some inspiring lead guitar and played and sang a couple of his own tunes which were excellent too.; Update: and someone did let me know: dave greaves is from hull, his brother is mike greaves (Lonesome Two), many years ago they were The Stops, his brother wrote songs for Beautiful South. Thanks Jo.; The lesson learned from this is that a gig can be great despite being unplanned and unrehearsed. They had no setlist. Holly Lowe wondered aloud with all concerned which tunes to play next. Interestingly Greaves played great guitar on a song he'd never heard before, and Holly Lowe played piano and sang (pretty much took over, in a nice way) on a Greaves song she didn't know. Holly said to Dave Lowe "give Greavesy the chords while I introduce the song", he did, and that was, more than once, all Greaves had to work on. On another occasion Dave Lowe received "it's in D minor", "D minor!" he exclaimed and looked for all of about three seconds like he needed to think about it .. then played along without a problem. It all ended on a totally made up blues song in which someone from the audience played mouth organ, and I almost .. almost got up the courage to grab the tambourine but thankfully for all, didn't.; I saw French and Saunders as a stand-up act playing the feminist/art circuit. This has the same feeling. I've seen Holly Lowe :-0 Before we know it she'll be gracing our tv and going out with Ashton Kutcher. Fantastically skilled all, and a great night.
B&Bs in Scarborough: 30 August 2005: When I needed a good dentist and lawyer I asked around my local friends for their recommendations. That method's worked a treat. When a friend wanted me to recommend a local B&B I did the same thing. Here are the recommendations I received:; "What about the old "Hydropathic Establishment" top of West Bank, I think it is called Green Gables. We have had families stay there. Very large, old fashioned, reasonably priced, and they have an indoor pool. It backs onto Falsgrave Park and is a good healthy distance from the old town if you like a walk."; "You could try Linda at The Valley, 372593, I am sure that would be good."; "What about Intervals on Longwestgate? 'Tas a good rep, I believe."; "The Ivanhoe on Burniston Road, its reasonably cheap and cheerful, the food is ok, and its a short walk down to the beach, sea life centre, etc. for kids. Not sure about for a couple tho, depends on the girlfriend!"; "Two slightly out-of-town recommendations: Harmony Lodge on Limestone Rd in Burniston - a big, circular building with lovely views at the edge of the village. They believe in fairies there too. Also The Granary in Harwood Dale - a working farm / cafe in a beautiful vale about 8 miles from town. My brother stayed at both & recommended them".
GM safety research: 30 August 2005: Although it's fairly detailed, it's worth reading through the whole of this article on GM safety research to get a sense of the quality of the research that's being done. For instance, Novartis (now Syngenta) E 176 corn was tested for only two weeks with three cows. The article says "Actually, there were four cows at the start of the study, but one died and was removed."; The article criticises the 90-day rat study undertaken to discover any side effects from consuming Monsanto's Mon 863 corn. Despite there being extensive flaws in the research, evidence of the industry playing down significant findings, and the rats developing, and remember this is after just 90 days, "several reactions, including those typically found with allergies (increased basophils), in response to infections, toxins and various diseases including cancer (increased lymphocytes and white blood cells), and in the presence of anemia (decreased reticulocyte count) and blood pressure problems (decreased kidney weights) .. also increased blood sugar levels, kidney inflammation, liver and kidney lesions, and other changes". Mon 863 is expected to be approved by the European Commission for use in Europe. Really scary.; I know more animal research is possibly the only thing that would discover the side effects of GM food and I'm against animal research, so that seems contradictory, but it seems self-evident that if you create a plant that's toxic to one animal, there will be toxic effects in other animals too, so I'd say it was a non-starter idea in the first place. I know even that doesn't stand up, because isn't there an argument that penicillin wouldn't have been discovered if it had come up in the era of animal testing because it's fatal to pigs (and aspirin is fatal to cats, or so I understand) .. so different animals have different reactions? I suppose that's an argument for both sides .. that animals aren't human, so they can't show what would happen when a substance gets into the human food chain, and that adding a toxin that's fatal to insects doesn't necessarily mean it would be fatal or harmful to us.; The problem with GM is even deeper than this. It isn't a logical argument, it cuts right into what we believe about the environment and corporations. We know from The Corporation that corporations (that is, those companies who are developing GM) are not doing it for environmental or saving the world reasons, they are doing it for money alone and they will simply use the easiest method to move their cause forward. For instance, it's recently come out that most milk comes from cows fed GM food.; GM companies want to 'own' food. There is plenty of evidence of those companies suing farmers for growing their GM crops, where those farmers never sowed it. GM pollutes legitimate crops, pushing them out like a cuckoo in the nest. If we let the GM companies do what they want, eventually, there will only be GM food. We will have illnesses caused by GM, but like cancer, unattributable to any one source, and with no compensation available. Farmers will only be able to grow GM crops (if they try to grow ordinary or organic crops and are contaminated, they face the threat of legal action and may have no market for their produce .. ruin, in other words). The only way to grow GM crops is to buy seed from the manufacturers. No food could be grown without seed from the GM manufacturers.
Internet Marketing: 24 August 2005: I've been politely asked by Chris Cardell to remove the blog I posted a few days ago. He thinks it was libellous, I think it was fair comment. I'll take advice because I should probably know before posting anything else, but I've removed it anyway, no sense getting into a spat about it. I'm rather impressed, actually, that Chris asked so politely, given how horrid I was to him.
Push The Button: 24 August 2005: Sorry, but I've got to moan. Isn't this obvious, or is it me? I just raised this with three others and they resolutely failed to see the point, so here goes.; According to the Guardian today, the tube bombers detonated their packs by pushing a button. That article says clearly there are two ways such a button could work. The bomber could depress the button and explode the package, or the button could be designed as a 'dead man's handle' where they press the button and keep it down, the package only exploding when they release it. This means if you shoot them dead, they detonate as their hand relaxes.; The point I raised is that that simple fact negates the Israeli inspired 'shoot them in the head' strategy. If there are two ways the button could work .. on depression or on release, then shooting or not shooting holds the same probability of getting blown up. Better, surely, to try to keep the suspect alive so you can, later, get more information about his organisation and mindset. I know someone who hasn't depressed their 'dead man's handle' button yet could do so, but a policy of immediate immobilisation seems preferable, and I'd balance the risk against the fact that it's not uncommon that the suspect turns out to be entirely innocent and going about a normal day's activity.; More than that, everyone disagreed with me about the use of a 'dead man's handle' type of button. I think the bomber would depress the button possibly on the outset of his mission, but definitely on entry to the tube station. The point of that type of button would be to defend against being shot and killed .. if they are, the button is released and they would detonate. My colleagues said they would depress and release the button when they wanted to detonate the bomb. No .. they'd use the other button for that strategy.; Is it just me?
C4N: 24 August 2005: So now I've fallen out with Channel 4 News too. In last night's programme Jon Snow attempted a Paxman-esque question repetition to try to get a spokeswoman for the group who campaigned against Darley Oaks Farm, which breeds guinea pigs for experimentation, to condemn various actions. She condemned all violent and unlawful acts, but that wasn't good enough for him.; By contrast, the stuffed shirt in the studio suffered no such hassle. What about the efficacy of animal testing and animal experimentation? What about the quantity of experimentation?; I for one am over the moon at the successes of the animal rights groups. Of course I don't support breaking the law, but I also don't support the wilful suffering of animals.
Unhappy bee: 24 August 2005: For some reason I found this both inspiring and chilling. Inspiring because, obviously we knew this anyway but it's nice to see direct evidence, not all Americans are like George W. Chilling because the pressure for GM is still there, and because of the way corporations behave it is up to all of us to stop them poisoning and owning the entire human food supply.
Air Malta: 23 August 2005: Not many people would store up their blogs for months on end, but I am one and here's the final blog from the Lanzarote holiday in February. I just wanted to mention the really beautiful Air Malta flight back. It was the first I'd been on where a screen popped down from the ceiling and showed us where we were .. I'd always wanted that :-); We were then blessed by clear weather and a flight path that took us along pretty much all of the west coast of Portugal which is basically one long beach. It looks fantastic from the air. We did have a cheap beach holiday in Portugal one year and do want to go back, this confirmed it.
Close your eyes: 22 August 2005: Our first gig is coming up and I'm worried about my performance. The trigger was me trying to play The Wedding Present's Swimming Pools and Movie Stars which I've always been able to play along to. I tried it about a week ago and just completely fell over two or three times. Not pretty.; I'm practicing about an hour a day at the moment, so what had happened? I seem to be going backwards.; My theory is that what I'd been practicing were things like paradiddles, reading drum music, working out and writing down how the drums went in the freestyle parts of the songs we're trying to play, up and down stroke mixtures and so on. None of that involved playing the whole kit. While we were practicing that fact was hidden by two or three hours of playing with the band, but the two recent practices have been fairly short, and we missed a few weeks somewhere along the way, and now the other band members are away for three weeks between them. When they get back, there's a week before the gig, but they're busy with college registration for the new term, so there'll be no practice before the actual day when we'll run through everything in situ. So I was worried about the day, and although people are telling me not to, I think rightly.; So I've ditched the technical exercises until the gig is done, and I've recorded a few albums I like playing along with (the latest Garbage, a New Order), and I've spent a few very happy hours just playing along freestyle with those.; Then I discovered something, and that's the point of this blog. If things feel difficult, I play better with my eyes closed.; I've probably said this before (can't find it though) .. people are meant to be divisible into three camps, those (the majority) who lead visually (they'll say things like "I see what you mean"), those who are aurally led ("I hear what you're saying"), and the kinesthetic lot who are mainly about touch ("I feel you are angry .. "). I am aurally led.; My drum tutor was excited at one point by a technology that would record and analyse a drummer's play, give scores for each element, and display the duff notes in red so you could see them. I felt strongly that this wasn't right. You can hear whether a note is duff or not, you don't have to see it in red. People should be training themselves to hear (if they are to play a musical instrument well), not graphing their percentage correctness, and not relying on their visual sense to tell them what's wrong.; And anyway, what of expression? Once you can play a beat on the nail, what about adding a little frisson by striking some things a nano-tad early? What about the fact that human drummers sound better than drum machines precisely because of the nuances of volume and timing?; So, unplug that red crochet machine and feel the rhythm.; I found that, since I wasn't really trying to play the real rhythm in the, for instance, Garbage track, I was just playing along as close as I could get, I wasn't looking at any written music. I found myself staring, unfocussed, at a point in space.; So, I wondered, could I just close my eyes? I did. Almost immediately, I felt my drumming get better. It was as if two thirds of my brain had stopped interrupting. A vista of thinking space opened up between one beat and the next. Even though many Garbage tracks are reasonably fast, if I hit a bum snare beat, there were acres of space before the next snare beat for me to adjust my position and get it right next time. Even on the electric kit I could tell what I'd done wrong and correct it. With my eyes open, there didn't seem to be time to do that because I'd adjust my position visually, which I suppose took my attention away from the sound.; It became very Zen-like. I could play whole tracks blind. If my bass pedal went awry, I could drag it back quickly. This works. I could even find my way around the kit, doing rolls, finding the ride cymbal and so on.; I'd like (but I'm not sure I'd get them to agree or even see the point) to get the band to try to play a tune with eyes closed, just to try to feel the togetherness. I think we'd play much better with a bit of enhanced awareness.; Anyway, I'm no longer worried (in case you're worried). I think I'll patent my idea, then anyone playing with their eyes closed can pay me a fee. I should get loads from Stevie Wonder, he seems to do it a lot, although it doesn't seem to improve his music. I might even get half a fee from Gabrielle.
Mo: 19 August 2005: So long Mo. Time was there was an excitement about Labour and the feeling that things really could change for the better. You made peace in Northern Ireland seem possible. We wonder whether you were conscious enough to hear you'd achieved a major goal when the Provisional IRA announced an end to its armed campaign at the end of July. More than anything, you seemed superhuman, by which I don't mean that you could fling snotballs at errant street criminals (although you probably would have, given the chance), but that your humanity seemed magnified.; I see your being pushed out of the cabinet as the beginning of the end for Labour. The other person I most miss is Frank "think the unthinkable" Field. I don't know if I'm right, but I think there was a time when he was looking at combining tax and benefits into one system. When both were set up only the rich were taxed, and only the very poor received benefits. The system worked then. Nowadays most people get some form of benefit and almost everyone pays tax. It makes sense to combine the systems. It would cut down on bureaucracy. I'd love to see that. I think Field's ideas became 'unthinkable' politically.; The thing is, Labour seem to have achieved 100% employment, despite loads of jobs going to countries where the pay rate is a fraction of ours. Thinking back to Tory years, that's actually a fantastic achievement. Jobs equals tax income equals spending on the NHS, schools and all that. I sense that that's something they never want to risk losing, it's actually right at the core of Labour.; I can feel it in decisions such as road pricing. What a nonsense idea that is. So much technology to solve something that pure economics would solve (if roads become jammed, people will find other ways, end of story). Even Iraq. Both are job creators more than anything else.; So I'm not sure if I'm right. If Frank's combined tax and benefits office had cut the workforce would that have hurt us all in the end? Still, the loss of Mowlam and Field from the cabinet was certainly a loss to us all and now there'll be no Mowlam comeback.
Scarborough beds: 19 August 2005: There was an interesting piece in the Guardian about council flowerbeds, apparently Scarborough is the one to beat. Interesting because I noticed the flowerbeds were particularly innovative this year. Specifically they've planted entirely vegetables in quite a few, apparently in remembrance, if I remember rightly, of how allotments played an important role for us during the war.
Positively Naked: 19 August 2005: Spencer Tunick and the Positively Naked film about HIV. Poor site navigation, but still interesting.
Helios: 16 August 2005: Fascinating account of the Helios plane crash. Where (and how) else would all this information be gathered?
Sunday: 15 August 2005: Going to sleep early rarely works for me, so here I am, it's 1:16am and I've been laying in bed since 10, well, since 9 (we watched the awfully BBC Coast (somehow we missed the only one we actually wanted to watch, up the North West coast of Scotland)).; A friend previously bought us a bottle of single malt, bottle conditioned Islay ale which was just fabulous so I ordered a couple of cases and drank the first bottle while watching Coast, so that made its way through me over the last few hours and I must have been up about five times. It needs to settle more than just a few days, it got seriously jiggled on the journey. Still, early bed works a treat when it works, I can get up at six and get a couple of hours of admin done before proper work begins. Well, I say admin, some of it's that (for instance, I'm taking a major backup atm), but quite a bit is long term projects and development stuff.; Anyway I wanted to blog that we had an almost perfect Sunday. The morning with The Observer, muesli, toast, real coffee, orange juice in bed .. that's usual. The Observer is getting worse, but today it was just crap really. By page three it had used up all its news and devoted a full page to how Greenwich village in New York is no longer the cultural hub it was and all the independent eateries have been taken over by Starbucks and McDonalds. That was pretty much that. I mean, I know it's the silly season, but surely there's more to report.; I decided to go with Ali and her friend to the beach where they bodyboard, and provide a barbecue for when they finished. Because she's told me her friend eats junk food, I felt able to try out barbecued fish fingers for a laugh. They worked a treat though. Even the chocolate bananas came out perfectly.; I had a go with the kite. In two years of ownership all we'd previously managed to do was disastrously crash it and then spend many happy hours trying to track down the manufacturer for spares. This time before disastrously crashing it I managed to fly it.; I got video of them bodyboarding too. Ali's friend suggested putting music to it .. the Hawaii 5-0 theme .. and I remembered I've got the Splodgenessabounds version which is much more appropriate (good grief they're still going), so I may do that as I've got now two clients who reasonably urgently want video on their website so I really do need to get this new (silent) machine up and running.; Drove home to the loud sound of Garbage, played some drums, had a bath and all in all had a perfect Sunday until now.; For some reason I came up with a new look for my website while dozing. I also tried to remember the Big Brother winners and can't remember the name of the (only) woman who won it, but I've a strong feeling about Ls and Vs. Oh yes, I forgot Nadia .. does she count? Anyway, Kate.; I'm reading a really fascinating book (can't be bothered to link to it at this time of night, but it's called 9 to 5 (I think, maybe Conversations 9 to 5), and by Deborah Tannen) and it's about conversation at work. One of the things that she's talked about is that men in power are the default. Women in power are seen to have done something to get there, or to be some type of character, a hard bitch, a flirt, or whatever. The point is that women get labelled with something, while men don't because they're the default, and there's almost nothing women can do about it. I think that's at the root of the wooden performances of Hazel Blears, I think she's been so heavily trained so that she doesn't provide any character clues at all, so we can't label her. I'm wondering whether that effect is also something to do with why Big Brother winners are usually male, that the label loses women votes, whereas what label could you give Anthony? Maybe there are plenty, we just haven't watched the series until pretty much the last show.; The other thing that happened on the final night was the last guys really showed themselves. Even dot dash Eugene posed like a guddun for the cameras. People just want to be famous for being famous. Anthony thought people should vote for him because he's good looking. Time was you got popular by doing something great.; I miss the fig leaf that Big Brother is a social experiment. Anyway, it's 1:58, I'm going to try that sleeping thing again.
Extras & chocolate: 12 August 2005: I apologise for earlier calling Extras a warm up act. Last nights was very, very funny.; We also went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I realise we're probably the last people on the planet to see it .. Scarborough is the end of the line for most things .. but it's a terrific film.; Johnny Depp is amazing as always. I know I'm right outside my area of knowledge, but Willy Wonka seems perfectly played and not rooted in any other character. He's camp and feminine without being all John Inman. He's reclusive. He's had plenty of time to think. For me, Depp (and obviously whatever team he worked with) has created an entirely new character. In this age of saturation media, to do that is something quiet special.; Given that Roald Dahl, author of the original book, was British, it's irritating that the film refers to chocolate as candy (it is a chocolate factory after all, not a candy one) and when Charlie finds a money note it's a dollar bill, but I suppose it is America that's paying for the film. I just wonder whether setting it more in the UK would add something special, something other-worldly, for an American audience.; Oh, and the Oompa Loompa songs seemed not to reach their potential, and we're not sure about the family oriented ending. It felt bolted on, and we wonder whether it's in the original book or whether that was another Hollywood special effect. I intend to read the book to find out.; Otherwise though, it's a beautiful, creative feast, I loved it.
Software patents and The Corporation: 11 August 2005: So we 'won' the European Software Patent debate and software patents aren't likely to be legalised in Europe. Not quite. The way I see it, people don't change their views. The people in the companies who were charged with getting software patents legalised in Europe are still there. They still want it. They will always want software patents.; I haven't actually read Edward De Bono's water logic (what a good idea, I've just ordered it from Abe Books), but I think the idea is that water always finds its way to the sea, and it does so by the path of least resistance, sometimes dividing, and sometimes joining according to the conditions of the moment.; I think of corporate pressure, whether it's for genetically modified food or software patents, in the same way. Basically, it's in some companies' interests to have those things, and there are people at those companies who are employed to make it so. There is, therefore, a constant pressure. The day after 'we won' the software patent debate in Europe, those people were back at work, applying exactly the same level of pressure, working out their path of least resistance.; My other analogy for it is the idea of a press .. if you've ever made some mush (perhaps in brewing or made your own paneer), wrapped it in muslin, and put it away with a weight on top, that's the idea I'm getting at. No matter how much water the contents give, the weight is the same, the pressure is still there for more.; So, to finish off here with software patents, what happened in Europe is that the corporate lobbyists worked out that opposition was organised enough to ensure the legislation absolutely outlawed software patents. Faced with that, they killed the bill. It's better for them to work with the complexities of European national policies on software patents because they can deal with such complexity. It's to their advantage that it's complex, because they have the resources to understand, and we don't. There's unlikely to be a huge upsurge in public protest against national policies which have been around for a while, and the corporations have been getting software patents through the national patent offices (including the UK) without anyone really noticing. Eventually, they'll have software patents by default, by playing the rules as they stand, and perhaps by lobbying quietly for incremental national changes.; I read The Corporation recently and it changed my view of things.; As an adolescent, I heard myself banging on about how "the system's this" and "the system's that" and to some extent I still believe those things. Contrarily, incidentally, I absolutely believe people are good, they want to do good things. So how can the 'system' be bad if it's made by good people?; The Corporation provides the answer. In a nutshell, it goes like this. Firstly, a corporation is a legal entity comprising shareholders who own the company, directors who look after the shareholders' assets, and employees. So, expect different behaviour from a hospital or university, a government, a charity, a sole trader or partnership, or a limited company owned and run by the same people. Those are not the subject of the book.; Author Joel Bakan tracks back to some key legal cases in which philanthropic or just plain human actions by directors were declared illegal. Basically the job of a director is to take care of and build the assets of the owners of the company, the shareholders. If, for instance, the personnel director decides one day to be nice to the employees and pay 10% over the going rate, that's illegal because that director is spending the shareholders' money. Stealing it, in a sense, and giving it away, Robin Hood style.; It's the same with the environment. A corporation is legally bound not to care about the environment because spending on saving the environment, unless it's absolutely necessary to business, is directors spending shareholders' money outside of their remit.; Bakan underlines that there is no morality in a corporation. It simply, water-logic style, follows the money, since that is all it's there to do.; As an emotive underpinning, Bakan shows how that imperative works when considering health and safety features. As an example he talks about how a car, I forget the model, was unsafe in a rear shunt because the fuel tank had been placed behind the rear axle and was more likely to explode. The fuel tank was there because it was cheaper to have it there, and the calculation was simply along the lines of (I'm making these figures up but the book has the real ones): it would cost £10 per car to move the fuel tank to a safer position, they expect to make 500,000 of these cars, so moving it would cost them £5m. Of those 500,000 cars, they expect 250 to explode resulting in 100 lawsuits each costing them £50,000, total £500,000. By not moving the fuel tank, they may kill a few people, but they save £4,500,000. Crucially, that's shareholders' money and as directors they are forbidden by law to spend their money to make the car safer.; So there you have it. Directors, who may make perfect neighbours, wives, husbands, drinking partners, friends, and who you may trust your life to personally, are constrained by the rules of their job, the system, the raison d'être of a corporation.; So, there's clarity in the book. It's corporations that are the problem, not, in any equally large sense, other organisations, and not the people within them.; It's an important and persuasive presentation, part of the movement, but Bakan fails to make the sale on his own. Making the sale requires the discovery and refutation of objections.; To my mind, if you are jealous of Tesco making so much money, buy shares in the company. That way Tesco works for you and returns value to you. If you don't like their practices, buy shares in the company (then you own part of it), turn up to the meetings and make your thoughts known.; If you want Tesco to spend its money differently, buy shares in Tesco and spend the profits they return on environmental issues or, if you think that's what the directors should do, go and give your profits to your local checkout operator. That's what you're asking of the shareholders.; Shareholders may spend their money how they wish and, if we believe in good people, may not all be faceless unfeeling money grabbing bastards and are just as likely to be individuals who are trying to do the best they can, perhaps investing to educate their children. Even if most of the shareholders are 'institutional', are they not the people who hold our pensions and provide us with free banking? We would all like our pension to be worthwhile when we get it.; There is no denying the impact of corporations on our lives. Without them, I absolutely wouldn't be here on my chair, at my desk, using my computer, drinking my coffee, receiving mobile phone calls. Corporations routinely (and, it would seem, by legal diktat) drive down costs in order to lower the cost of doing business for their shareholders and provide competitive price advantage. That's how come our cars are affordable, personal computers (hellishly complex and difficult to manufacture) are purchasable for under £400, and a pair of jeans can cost £5. OK so that's achieved with sweatshop labour. Corporations have no morality, they just go where the money is, but people won't want to bite the hand that feeds them.; Bakan makes no mention of the PR value of anything, and yet, there is huge competitive advantage here. If that exploding car manufacturer's story had got out, the manufacturer would have been doomed, the shares worth nothing. Is it not defensible that the directors choose to move the petrol tank in order to lower the financial risk to shareholders? There is great and growing awareness of the issues of sweatshop labour, and it's clear basic supermarket clothes are made using it, so there's damage being done to the share value. Perhaps it's difficult to measure, but it's there.; So what is our defence against the pathological march of the corporation .. and that is absolutely how Bakan sees it (and I tend to agree). The corporation is like a paedophile in our midst, probably doing good things, holding down a job and a family, but also incurable, genetically wired to do bad things. I think the book removes any reason for us to be empathic about corporations. They act as machines, so we can treat them so. No more feeling sorry for them when they say they need to open up a new market, or their trading conditions are difficult. We should push back, using the law and our buying power. Take back goods that don't work. Prefer goods with high ethical value. Convert to Linux. Use consumer law against corporations. Campaign for your rights .. get involved in politics .. politicians make laws, and laws are all that stands between us and a completely corporate world. If you're an employee of a corporation, use health and safety legislation to make sure you're being properly cared for (and they're not taking some of your future health for free). Campaign to get bad behaviour fines raised, since that's all that persuades a corporation to move. Stop twatting around on computer games and try your strategic acumen in the real world. Get involved, is all, because like the terminator, a corporation absolutely will not stop.
Ayckbourn's rule: 10 August 2005: I read an interview with Alan Ayckbourn over the weekend. Well, I skimmed it looking for mentions of John Pattison, and on that scanty basis formulated "Ayckbourn's publicity rule", which is "only talk about people who are hot".
The earth is square: 5 August 2005: So, there was a time when people believed the earth is flat. Then the belief took hold that the earth is round (ish). I'm wondering if that was a time of revolution.; Would it make a great book or film (or has it already been done many times, the Matrix comes to mind, and The Truman Show) to cover what would happen to society if it turned out the round earth, space, the sun and all that were just fictions created to keep us happy, and that there was another, real, reality? I can't imagine what that would be .. perhaps that we're a virus in a body, or a bubble in a sea, or we're inside another planet .. whatever, the point is, what would people do if their trust in the 'system' is completely destroyed by the realisation that they'd been comprehensively and deliberately lied to.; I wonder what was society's reaction to the news that the earth is round.
What pops into your head: 1 August 2005: It is wierd what pops into your head while it's idling. Yesterday while cleaning the shower curtain, I was thanking my lucky stars that, to my knowledge, I'd never heard any song by that gift to Benny Hill, John Cougar Melon Camp.
Sex, Motorhead, the Derby Evening Telegraph and the power of truth: 1 August 2005: I think I've blogged this first memory before, but one time in the early days of my PR company I met with the news editor of the Derby Evening Telegraph and by the way asked him what he wanted in a story. He said he didn't want to report what people were talking about, he wanted people to talk about what they read in his newspaper.; On other occasions I've heard that a good newspaper makes you act. It changes you. It gets you off your arse and into action. That ties rather neatly into my partners technique of examining not what was said, but what the motivation was for saying it.; What, then, are we to make of this, which Oliver James chose to put on his page in the Observer magazine this weekend?; Are his male readers to compare ourselves to the men in that study? If so, how? Is the man to time himself, in which case leaning over to start the timer might affect progress a little, and as I found at the end of the Walkington race, stopping a timer in a moment of excitement isn't simple.; Or should the woman do the timing? That would have to depend on some communicative grunting. Perhaps there should be a third party. Surely not. That would really mess things up.; Anyway, what qualifies as being inside? Does half-in count? If you're a condom user, as far as I remember you can spend most of your time wondering whether you're in or not, so if you don't know yourself then I foresee timing problems.; So here we have a psychologist publishing the kind of stories that set up sexual problems. Do I measure up? Can I last longer?; Would lasting 44 minutes be good, or would my partner be thinking "blimey, I've missed Coro and now I've missed the first part of The Bill too?". What of the quickie, is that bad? If we have a quickie, will we need some slowies to keep the average up (so to speak).; And in his summary of the original research, why did he choose to single out Turkish men? Is he not fomenting xenophobia?; I read part of a magazine for teenage girls while waiting for my podiatry appointment a few months back (sounds like there should be a law against that but I don't think there is) in which the concerns of a young girl about her breasts were swathed by something similar to "boys like breasts, it doesn't matter whether they are large or small, big nippled or small, if they're breasts, your boy will like them". I almost wept. I had no idea that such beautiful, human advice was available for young girls. I certainly didn't find anything like that as a boy. Its power lay in its truth. She's right. Despite all the media norms, she's absolutely right. It doesn't matter at all. So while James is peddling the seeds of neuroses, the agony aunt of Just 14 (or whatever it was) is cutting through with the truth. Oh, and don't go thinking the magazine was promoting sexual activity in its readers, it wasn't.; So is this all part of the politics of fear? Are we good enough? Slim enough? Do we have ugly monsters in our hair? James makes a living from neuroses, so perhaps he's just securing his future. Acceptance is my theme of the decade, I think that's the key. The Tunick experience showed me not just that no-one's perfect, but that we seem to have the same number of imperfections (if you want to compare yourself to the media norm). Character faults are often the downside of a goodside, so you can't change one without affecting the other. Acceptance is like forgiveness, but bigger I think. I'm coming to accept myself, and in doing so, I'm free.; The most profound bit of sexual advice I ever heard was from Lemmy, fragrant singer and bass player of Motorhead, who said that the best sex was that which was built up to throughout the day, with looks and glances and suggestion. Again, the truth cuts through, it's all powerful.; The problem is, who has time nowadays for all-day foreplay? We all have to work, we are all under pressure. If men have no money, they aren't attractive partners, but if they work to get the money, they've no time for all-day foreplay.; So I got to thinking that there is a group who have both money and time. The landed gentry. Maybe that's why they wear wax jackets, so they're hard to grab hold of and the hoards of Hai Karate women can be simply brushed off without disturbing the squirrel hunt.; So Mr James got what he wanted. I talked about his column, and descended to his level. I'll recognise his game next time though.
Cheese: 1 August 2005: We discovered some pretty good Northumberland cheeses while we were up there. I have a bit of a thing about cheese I'm afraid. Coquetdale didn't do it for me, but the Doddington was good enough for it to be selected as part of a selection of local cheeses in a restaurant, for me to notice it within that selection based on its taste, for me to seek it out and buy it, and then to blog it. Good, now I can get rid of the bag of smelly remains on my desk.
Where?: 1 August 2005: Can't believe it's August. Anyway, I kept thinking "where is this 'Le Gere' country the news keeps talking about, I've never heard of it?" It turns out to be Niger, which I always thought was pronounced like Nigel, but without the l. Other links: CIA factbook, Lonely Planet, BBC, Guardian.; To be honest though, I'm taking a bit of a rest from the news. There's always something else to worry about, and I want to enjoy the post Software Patents thing. Quite a contrast I know.; Incidentally, Euan Ferguson in the Observer always manages to write really outstanding pieces, this one about Darfur. I always wanted a really really good atlas but I never seem to have gotten around to buying one. I circled around the Times Atlas of the World for a while but it's over £100. Anyway, we spent a happy moment last night leafing through the atlas that we do have, Mumbai, Costa Rica (possible holiday maybe), Niger, Cameroon (a mistrusted Cameroonian woman at university told me it was like eden), the relative sizes of India, Pakistan and Bangladesh, Cuba. We couldn't remember which country Darfur was in.