John Allsopp

Professionally engineered Internet solutions for humans

Create: 30 April 2007: 'Create' is Scarborough's very own artist to local government translator. I quizzed the founder one day on a car journey and discovered that, apart from actually delivering some art projects, the main point of Create is to sit in on local government meetings that no-one wants to be part of and be the voice of the artistic community. Before that, apparently, there was little awareness in government of what's here and what's possible, and no representation.; Equally, Create communicates back to the artist community what the local government is up to. All very groovy indeed.; They have a new website. I've been assessing it, and I'm left with the feeling that it just includes everything everyone could think of. It's like a big bucket. It's like no-one was there to guide it, to do the best thing, so they just did everything.; That has to be expensive. I'm thinking we're getting into five figures, dunno maybe not, but there's a lot there. But then if Create's good at anything it's getting funding.; There were lots of people on my degree course who liked the idea of giving the user a range of different colour schemes to choose from. They said it was something to do with accessibility. I really don't see the advantage. You can set up your own stylesheet and have the Internet your way, so I don't see how every site having different customisation facilities is going to have any accessibility benefits at all. I'd say it would give the designers an excuse not to make a site accessible at core "because those who don't like it can choose one of the other styles". Anyway, a different colour scheme (the weeny (clue) icons top left) isn't going to fix the accessibility issues on this site .. read the accessibility page (if you can find it), it's woeful, frankly. I had a call from an artist in London the other day whose dyslexia (I think, dyslexia++ .. at least) was so bad he could hardly read or write. I studied with someone who has to read each page almost character by character, top left corner, working down. When she reaches that curved "CREATE" her head will turn inside out.; I spent a while working out how the top left boxes worked. They don't really. They look like calendar months, but then they aren't. So there are lots of boxes with nothing in them. Weird. The Projects one has Past, Present and Future. So what are the other 17 boxes going to be for? Future Pluperfect?; The other thing is, the data isn't there. The diary is nowhere near complete. Of course, I have projects that aren't complete too, but the thing is .. how is it going to become complete? And shouldn't the data lead? Instead of building a lovely front end to a near-empty diary, let's get a fabulous events diary working and then we can put a front end on it.; So, it's the result of a meeting where lots of sparky people got excited about what's possible, everyone said yes, the sun shone, there was budget, and it all got done. But there was no filtering, no-one saying "yes, but", no prioritising, no user testing (I'd stake my last Rolo on it), no idea how the whole thing fits together and no real idea who is going to use the site. Try it. Who is going to use the site, and for what? See. It's like meditation, it instantly clears your head. It's as if it shorts the electrics. Maybe it's like a mental Vulcan Death Grip, maybe if you ask people "Who is going to use the Create website, and for what?", they just flop over and dribble. I'll try it on a few passers by and let you know.
Brylcreem: 28 April 2007: Although they would wish it otherwise (they are spending lots of money attempting to persuade us that young men use it too), I've reached the age where Brylcreem is the thing that works best (not all those fancy waxes and gells). So now I smell of a thousand working men's dinner dances, and of my grandad at family weddings. And, obviously, I've got the Brylcreem bounce.; Imperial Leather (I think) works for me too, for reasons I'm forbidden to disclose.
Guilt free shopping: 28 April 2007: As I understand it, the first example of good public relations (PR) practice was on the American railroads which were having a lot of fatal accidents which the press reported negatively (from the point of view of the companies involved). The companies were in the habit of trying to hide what had happened from the press, which set up an adversarial relationship.; Someone whose name escapes me came along and decided to be up front with the press, to tell them what happened, answer all their questions, and also tell them what the company plans to do about it in future. Press coverage for that company turned positive, and PR was born.; That's the sort of lofty goal I had when I ran my PR company. Be good, then tell the truth and all will be well. Then along came Blair and spin and it all suddenly seemed terribly quaint. I still hold to a rule that says only market what's true. If you drive a 4x4 there's no point trying to say you're green because no-one will believe you and your money will be wasted when someone photographs you driving along. Market what's true. Be true. Be good, then let everyone know about it.; So there's something seriously out of kilter here, at the Designer Warehouse, York.; Firstly, I didn't know there was any guilt involved in shopping. You need something, you've got the money, you buy it. What's wrong with that? Now I'm thinking "should I feel guilty about shopping here?"; Secondly, if you want to do guilt-free shopping, I'd have thought the last place on earth you'd do it is the Designer Warehouse.; Off the top of my head, there's the fashion industry's effect on eating disorders, anorexia being one of them. There's the issue of sweatshop labour being used by the clothing and fashion industry. There's the effect on the environment and local services of out-of-town shopping centres, and this sign is right next to a branch of the eco-protestor's second favourite (after McDonalds) shop: Starbucks.; So what does the slogan mean? I can only think it means that the stuff here is cheap so you don't have to feel guilty about spending too much. So, what, the majority of people who come here are spending way beyond their budget and feeling bad about it, keeping it a secret, living on credit? Lovely. Probably so, though, considering the target age group. But doesn't cheapness mean sweatshops?; I'm not saying the place will burn in hell, I wanted to go there and I bought stuff. I'm just saying I think "guilt-free shopping" is a very weird choice of slogan. Maybe it comes from some detailed interviews with their guilt-ridden shoppers.
Skinny dipping: 28 April 2007: The problem with skinny dipping in Scarborough is there's always some bastard there with a camera and a broadband connection.
Daguerre: 27 April 2007: Loving this featured photograph in today's Wikipedia
American PDFs: 27 April 2007: So here I am trying to install a scanner on my Linux machine, and I've downloaded the installation document, which comes as a PDF, and I'm printing it out onto my very very very old HP Laserjet III because I think that's cheaper than using my Deskjet.; The only problem is, with PDFs the Laserjet often goes offline after every page with the message "load letter", requiring me to bend to press the continue button after every page. This document has 39 pages.; This is one of those minor irritants that we tend to live with. I certainly have. I haven't the time to sit and work out what's going on.; However, it just occurred to me that it might be a US/UK thing. Standard paper size in the US is 8.5" x 11" (is it called 'legal'?), whereas here it's A4 210mm x 297mm. PDF is a page description language, intended to provide a way for you to publish a document exactly as you want it to appear, as distinct to the web page language HTML which lets page elements move about to fit the display being used.; So I'm just wondering. If the document I'm printing is formatted for American paper, is the printer, in effect saying "this document is for US paper and I've got A4 in my tray, please put US paper in the manual feeder"?; If that's true, then two things. My printer is made by an American company, I wonder which parts of it make it think it's in the UK .. do we in this country have different paper trays that tell the printer it's handling A4, or is that a software setting?; More importantly, if what I'm thinking is true, that seems to be a major flaw in the whole idea of PDF. Would it mean, for instance, that a document formatted for A4 in the UK (which is longer than an American page) prints out over two pages on a US printer?; Does it mean, actually, that the web's overarching strategy of providing information the way that users want it is the better solution? It certainly seems more polite.; Incidentally, CSS, the web's stylesheets (the bit that gives web pages their 'look') does contain a lot of support for the printed page, so using that you can create a nice looking page that doesn't involve 39 bends to print and works wherever your customers are in the world, which is much nicer than insisting everyone works the way you do.; Am I right or am I wrong? Do you have similar problems with PDF sometimes? Is it just me and my old printer? Let me know, I'm curious.
Golf club website: 25 April 2007: Not one of mine, but interesting, the local Scarborough Golf Club has a slideshow that isn't driven by Flash. It's done with JavaScript, which is preferable because it's a web standard (well, ECMAScript is) which means it should enjoy broad support without plugins.; As possibly only Golf Clubs can (along with perhaps charity organisations like the Lions and those with the funny handshakes I can't quite remember the name of atm), they've provided ad space too, although perhaps it's telling that they haven't sold all the slots.
View: 22 April 2007: The groovy view from a friend's flat. You never need a clock in the house, and you get to see right across Valley Bridge into town.
Breeding gulls: 20 April 2007: With the proviso that all I write next is pure assumption, here goes. It's the one time in the year the gulls get to mate and they are happy. I spent a joyous moment watching them floating and playing in the breeze above the spa and valley bridge. One floated down from the flock, slowly, level by level, to look at me as I looked at it. I love it when animals pair up, it just feels right, and there they were, flying around in pairs. Beautiful.
A place in the sun: 19 April 2007: I'm sure I remember a time when a programme like "A place in the sun" would engage us with people like us who had reached the place we wanted to be, able to afford to choose a nice place to live, and with the help of an expert, we'd enjoy riding along as they found it.; Now, though, this type of programme seems to be playing a different game. Here's Howard and Jemima who live in cosmopolitan, fashionable London and want a nice place in the countryside (France, actually, because it's cheapity cheapity cheap cheapy cheap cheap cheap cheapy cheaper) for the weekend, and it's all you can do not to bust your head through the screen and give them all something to worry about. That's got to be a deliberate policy of the programme, the same rule that says newspapers sell more if they create a headline that makes us go "No! That's outrageous". The people this evening couldn't even form proper words with their mouths .. what sort of useful work did they do? I spent the first half of the programme thinking "Oh spit it out for chrissakes" and then thinking what a waste of effort that was. All those neurons firing, all that complex biology, and for what?; They wanted a house with a big garden. Why? They're never going to be there. Every Friday night off to France, every Monday morning back again? How very relaxing for everyone. How worldly wise. Not another chore, another thing on the to-do list. Certainly not selfish, either. Definitely not.; It just seems like London's so bloody horrible to live in that everyone wants to escape at every possible opportunity. Yet they can't seem to disengage from the things they like about it: the higher wages, the networking opportunities, the boost to your cv, the possibility that John Prescott might be on the tube with you, the kaleidoscope of nationalities that you never engage with, the buzz of feeling like you're in the middle of everything that's important.; It feels like we have come to expect everything to be perfect. They want London, but the countryside too, and without the commute. But the irritating thing is, they usually actually get what they want, which tempts you for a second or two into thinking "I should be more like them" .. gahhhhhh! I'm sure they are only happy for five minutes until they discover some other itch, something not quite right, there are too many cows, or they can't get the right brand of humous. Don't get me onto pickyness.; I don't have this. I know I live somewhere nice and I did, for a while, miss the job opportunities, the cinema, gigs and so on. But I've blended into the place and I love what it has, there's no point living here and wanting city life, but I swap city life for what Scarborough has got, which is fantastic. And I used to love living in the farmhouse in Derby, and in the terraced house in Long Eaton. It's what you make it, surely. And if you're vacuous, perhaps you can't make anywhere nice.; I know I know. I don't belieeeeeve it.; I've invented a new type of TV show. It's called "Another place in the sun", and it says it does the same thing, and it gets the same sort of people along. Except it doesn't do the same thing at all. It drops them out of a helicopter into Sudan, Gaza or Karbala, and it only picks them up again when they (the people, that is) realise how bloody lucky they are and start appreciating what they've got.
Falcon festival: 18 April 2007: I've been telling people about the forthcoming Falcon Festival and no-one's known anything about it. Well now there's proof, I wasn't imagining it.
Nikon remote: 17 April 2007: The Nikon is a beautiful thing, but the ML-L3 remote control for it is shite. Trying to make it work made me look like this.; It worked and then it didn't work and then it worked and then, well you get the idea. It took me a while to figure out that it was an infra red control, and the sensor for it is at the side of the lens. So basically it only works if you're stood in front of or to the right hand side of the camera (as you look into the lens). If you're to the left, click all you want, but you're shielded by the lens.; This was after I'd tried using the control all sorts of ways round. It has all the characteristics of a car keyfob, so I was expecting it to work by radio. Just think of what you have to do to get your infra red tv remote to work, point, press, press harder, pull a face, etc. It's like that. Hardly conducive to relaxed self portraits. Shite. It's the only word for it. Very disappointing considering how beautiful everything else has been.; It does come with a cute little pouch to keep it in, though, so that's all right then.
Manfat Voodoo: 17 April 2007: I went for a practice / audition with Manfat Voodoo yesterday, and now, apparently, I can wear the crown of "second, backup, contingency drummer for Manfat Voodoo", which makes me very happy. Those who know me know when my first outing will be.; All the songs went pretty much without a hitch, the chappies were very nice, but what's really special about this is I really don't think they are just another local band. They are signed with The Cultural Foundation which has not a little kudos and appears to be a collective, which is very interesting.; The songs are really world class. "Not exactly mainstream" is what one Manfat called their music yesterday, but at the same time, it sort-of is, it's just .. you have to tune in. From my point of view there are interesting time signatures and I'm doing things with my left hand I've never done before, all thanks to their main drummer who is really excellent. For the established tunes I should really copy what he does, so it's good to learn new stuff from an expert.; That's capped by them winning a PRS award (which I can't find the name of atm) for songwriting. The PRS is a substantial organisation managing the way all music is performed in Britain, taking payment for licences, and distributing that to artists. For Manfat Voodoo to win their songwriting award is a terrific achievement. So I'm in awe of that and flattered to be allowed to breathe the same air, never mind bingabang my bongos for their listening pleasure. So we'll see how long it takes them to discover my secret flaws .. ha haha hahahahahahahhahhahahahhah.
Scarborough pics: 17 April 2007: Scarborough was a bit like this today.; Don't worry, I wasn't out for pleasure, I was on assignment.; I thought I'd better take this pic too:; as a follow up to the previous. It's the site of the Corner Cafe, now demolished to make way for The Sands development. I noticed building materials start to arrive so thought I'd better look sharp.
The Fall: 15 April 2007: We were talking about The Fall the other day and how Mark E Smith is doing the sofas atm promoting his new stuff. I wonder how much the death of Peel has affected his sales and whether that is behind him coming out from under his stone.; So we were merrily poking fun at that and I meandered onto iTunes and remembered all those absolutely fantastic Fall songs from my younger days. Slang King. Wings. Jawbone and the air rifle. The man whose head expanded. Hip Priest.; Dave Moscow from Splat! went to see Mark E who was, apparently, sat behind a desk receiving the faithful. "What the fuck do you want?", he said from the back of his nose. "A support gig", squeaked Moscow, handing over our demo tape. We never got the gig, but on the next Fall album Grebby, our bass player, was much aggrieved, claiming they'd nicked one of our bass lines. Creative people, eh? I guess it's flattery.; Anyway it turns out Mark E is collaborating with Mouse on Mars, and if you listen to them you can see how that would work, forming Von Sudenfed and that sounds rather groovy. So I'll see you at the next gig, Fall, Von, whatever.
'Chalet' up for sale: 15 April 2007: This place:; is up for sale. We've been curious about it ever since we moved here. We never did know whether someone lived in the top part, but we saw a standard lamp light on once. We think perhaps the ground floor has something to do with the spa waters.; Update: Details here (I've had to wriggle through the CPH website for that link, but CPH deserve people doing that because they don't seem to allow people to link directly to a property entry).; Yes, while you lot were presumably sweltering in the sun, we had a fret in all day.; This is the best I could get out of the old Pentax which I took out on a run with me:
Hedon: 14 April 2007: The pressure for GM foods will always be there, so here's another company, BASF, wanting to plant GM potatoes in a government sponsored trial near Hedon. There's a campaign against and a Schnews article although I must admit I don't like the tone of Schnews, preferring the measured and science based approach generally taken by anti-GM protesters, although science doesn't cover the political side of things, which, the more you look, does seem to have some weight.; One thing that gets me about GM is the industry tends to target staple foods, rice, maize, soya, and now potatoes. It might be more stomachable if they did something crazy with the mooMoo plant of Azerbaijan because it wouldn't be likely to get out into the environment. But if you let out GM potatoes, it won't be long before you can't get potatoes without GM in them, and then we're absolutely jiggered because a) BASF (or whoever) will own our staple food, and b) we've no idea what the biological results might be, and c) it's irreversible. Oh, and the seasonal street chip eaters in Scarborough seem mutated enough without feeding them GM chips. Might see you at the march next Saturday.
A moblog: 14 April 2007: As if proof were needed that I don't keep up with the Internet fashions of the day (Web 2.0 is just what I've been banging on about since about 2002, AJAX is unusable and unnecessary) here's something I've not seen before: a moblog, a blog to which anyone can post, even from a mobile phone. This is for blogs to do with a band called Temposhark. What a great idea, and the blog I've hopefully pointed you to is a good one, Tracey Emin hoisting her flag. There's serious investment in that site, though, so don't go thinking it's cheap and easy to do.
American Car Spares case study: 13 April 2007: This case study is interesting because it shows the result of a collaboration between me and a proper graphic designer, and it's another osCommerce website too.
Ghostly Scarborough: 13 April 2007: One of my briefs includes taking some ghostly photographs of Scarborough for a chap who's invented a ghost detector, so I snuck out of the house this morning at dawn when the foghorn was sounding to see if I could get anything around the castle.; Personally, I think those unexplained glowing spheres in the second shot are the spirits of pixies helping me on my way.; I was having a Lynch moment when I took the woodlouse.
Another case study: 12 April 2007: .. and another.
Another case study: 12 April 2007: 'tis the season for B&B websites, apparently, so here's another.
Trousers: 12 April 2007: Incidentally I had a day off yesterday and one of the things I did was wander into River Island on the York ring road looking for trousers.; Many people have tales of how clothes don't fit them, and here's one of mine. Back when trousers were only cool if they were primary colours, I went out to buy some and was mostly upset by seeing a grid of jeans arranged by size along one wall of a retailer in Nottingham, every colour of the rainbow until my box, which contained blue jeans. Bastards.; So I found some trousers in River Island yesterday and picked out some marked 'long' and wondered "what's all this fluff and stuff on the bottom of the leg?" I checked the other leg, and it was the same. Then I realised. The trousers were on a rail that wasn't high enough off the ground. The long trousers were dragging in the muck of the shopfloor.; "So", says River Island "we'll sell you long trousers, but first we'll wipe the floor with them and cover them with several weeks of dust and hair".; I take this really seriously. One of my bugbears is that as single consumers we are no match for professional marketeers whose job and profession it is, armed with an array of sophisticated tools and techniques, to get us to part with our cash.; Reverse that, and you have River Island, a professional retailer staffed with people who know how to make retail work, none of whom gave a toss about what might happen to the trousers for tall people.; I have a new motto for them: River Island - the taller you are, the more dust and shit we'll smear on your clothes.; I suppose I'm just not looking in the right sort of establishment. This gives some interesting background.
Lone violinist: 12 April 2007: I'd like to think I'd stop and listen, but if you have to get to work, you have to get to work. Reminds me of Flashmob: The Opera which seems to have far too few pages about it on the web.
5 Brudenell Grove: 12 April 2007: This is 5 Brudenell Grove today, and I used to live here in about 1981 when I was a Computer Science student in Leeds, in the bottom room with the bay window. It used to have a high, thick privet border and none of the properties in the area had bars on their windows.; I woke up one night to find someone had opened the sash window near my head, presumably with the intent of getting in. I went "ugh, what?" and he went "ugh, what?" and disappeared. After that I went to the shop in the foreground here (I think it was called Bobat's):; and bought some nails and nailed the window up. That shop was fantastic, although it seems to have changed hands now. A hardware shop where you could buy a rawlplug and six inches of hosepipe if that's what you wanted. Newspapers too, and off the wall stuff like cameras and we even spotted a vibrator in his window one day. A tiny shop, but like the tardis, it contained everything you might ever need.; I certainly didn't see the worst of what was to happen in that area.; But I did arrive home one day to find all my stuff piled at one end of the room. My housemates had moved everything out of the way of a torrent of rain that had poured in from the top of the bay window. I fancied sowing cress or grass on the carpet but it wasn't as much fun as that, it just stank thereafter until I moved.; I quite like Leeds now, I suppose we've both changed. On a summer's day this area looks rather beautiful. This is the view opposite the house.; I quite like the wide streets and mature trees. The houses get nicer just a few hundred yards further on.; Off the end of the road, looking downhill, was a school which is now boarded up and marked as a development opportunity. And that mosque in the distance, if that's what it is, wasn't there before.
White Stripes: 10 April 2007: I wouldn't have put the White Stripes down as fans of The Goodies but here's the proof, their new album out on the 18th June, unless it's a belated April Fool joke. Or has everyone else said this already?
Filey Festival: 10 April 2007: I didn't even know Filey had a festival..
Colour correction: 10 April 2007: I keep finding this page when searching for information on colour correction, which suggests there's a bit more to it than just pressing a button.
Webcomindia: 9 April 2007: I had a client who wanted me to sort out hosting in India which I documented here. I've recently tried to place another order with the one company I did manage to pay and order from, webcomindia.net. They took the money, but haven't answered any of my support questions over a period of almost a month. I've contacted them by email to the sales department and to support, and I raised a trouble ticket on the 26 April and a follow up the day after, both high priority, which still haven't been responded to.; Now I notice the hosting has been set up, but I can't find anywhere the details of their dns servers. They haven't emailed me to say the hosting is set up, so I'm guessing the details.; So, I'd have to recommend against.; Speaking of customer satisfaction, a friend sent me this ISP satisfaction survey showing BISCIT at the bottom. Well, it's no good being all clever clever now, y'smug git!
Cheetham: 9 April 2007: The Mighty Cheetham's got another exhibition coming up, this time at the Bianco Nero gallery in Stokesley North Yorkshire from the 11 May to 16 June. I just took the photographs of his work before he sends it off for framing.; I didn't get much chance to study them as they passed in front of the lens, and anyway it's a childish thing to think in terms of "which is my favourite", but if I have to choose one to show here (and bearing in mind I have no reason to select the most accessible of his work (so I didn't)), it's this. It's probably called "The sea", or something.; My first impressions are it all looks good, and the gallery's nice so all's well.; Copyright in that work is his, btw, so no taking and using without permission or we'll come round at night and crayon-in all your windows.
Ilkeston: 9 April 2007: It's not often Ilkeston gets a mention on telly, but Blanche is off for a break there, and that prompted me to take a look around, because that's where I was born, I think in a maternity unit just off Cantelupe Road, but I can't work it out and can't remember the name of the park. I'm sure my mum will read this and put me right.; My search put me in mind of the sites that match places and photographs, and a chap that came up to me as I photographed the other day and wondered whether I was taking photographs for a named website which I can't now remember. It wasn't Panoramio, anyway, all they have of Ilkeston is one pic of a cup and saucer.; It's a nice place, I've fond memories of it. It's the sort of place where you can talk to people in the bus queue.
July: 9 April 2007: I dunno, you think you're creative and then someone who is really creative comes along and steals your heart. I wouldn't say I've never seen this sort of thing done before, but the personality and humanity and hosepipe refreshment in there is something I aspire to.; Before attempting it, I'd have to caution that she's a great, world-renowned artist. It ain't as easy as just writing your website on the fridge door.
Drumtech: 8 April 2007: Did you see Aled Jones learning to play the drums on telly just now? Now, I know about Drumtech, the place where he learned, because my drum tutor worked there for four years.; There was a bit near the start where the tutor was playing, just a couple of bars or so, where I was thinking "that sounds awesome, how the hell is he doing that?" My thing is covers bands (well, it has been, but I appear to be weedling my way into a really excellent, award winning "oh yes!" band atm) and I've not had an insurmountable problem translating what I hear to the kit yet. But that .. I'm not sure where I'd start, and it was worth doing too, it wasn't a huge nonsense heavy metal solo it was a serious groove.; So what I really need is a decent Acton, London client with a project that needs me to visit them every month or so, and then I can pop off at the end of the day for a drum lesson at Drumtech. So c'mon the business people of Acton, I need to see some action here!; Hey, if you don't ask you don't get, right?
Scarborough: 7 April 2007: On a bank holiday, Scarborough's residents tend to stay in to avoid the crowds. Apparently Scarborough's B&Bs are full this weekend. Anyone fancy an ice-cream?; Others take more extreme measures to avoid them.; I just found a quiet corner and took photographs of rope.; You will stop me when this starts to sound like some fusty old photography club won't you? Been there. Done that. The strongest memory of that was the itch in the members to get away from Mr Swainsworth's photographs of his holiday in India and on to the next meeting which was .... you guessed it ... glamour. I got the impression it was glamour every week actually, barring this India thing .. 'give him a slot it'll shut him up till the next holiday'.
Panorama and perspective correction: 5 April 2007: I couldn't find a way to correct for lens distortion in The Gimp and found this instead which talks about Hugin which downloads nicely into Fedora 6.; I couldn't quite get it to work on the image I was using because there weren't any horizontal lines. Am I right in thinking, if you take a street scene for example, things like lamp posts and buildings are vertical (so you can straighten your shot using them, particularly if they are near the centre and haven't been distorted badly by the lens), but all the horizontal lines are affected by perspective, so where can you find a horizontal line, unless you've got a building that's absolutely square-on to you? So I'm not sure that's triffically useful except for his perfect example. If anyone knows a Gimp plugin, please yell.; Curious, that. Perspective can't just work in the horizontal plane, surely. Unless perspective is a fiction of the mind, a mental or optical adaptation based on our evolutionary need to perceive food or predators running about on the land. Does it work if you turn your head on its side? Nah that's bollocks: the start of Star Wars. Vertical perspective, perfect horizontals. Look up at a skyscraper. Hmm, I must have an oversimplified model of perspective in my head.; Anyway it did solve the panorama problem I was having over three years ago.; Here's the result (click to download a bigger version if you wish). or if you want the really big 8Mb version, click here.; There's a problem, in that the sea doesn't stay still. The result is unnatural looking, the waves don't actually interleave like they seem to in this pic. And that's after a lot of time spent retouching and messing with it. It's not perfect, but it's still a fun pic.
David Tennant: 2 April 2007: David Tennant doesn't seem that likeable. A bit too pleased with himself. And farting in the tardis, and more so because it annoys the new assistant. That's just unpleasant.; Which leads me to a new word I've invented. Now, I would never do this (really), but I understand it's theoretically possible. After all, it's the origin of the joke about the Lord and the butler called Hoddle who, passing his Lord in the bath one evening heard an instruction and, upon bringing his Lord his request met with a stern denial. "But, my Lord" he protested, "I'm sure you said ", and here you have to adopt a particularly bubbly voice "whataboutawaterbottlehoddle". That joke's stayed with me since Splat! days, thanks Paul.; Anyway, here's a word for it. A devlishly bad fart that you do in the bath: a Beelzebubble.
Penny: 2 April 2007: I've been out taking publicity shots for Fantasy Forest. In case you, like me, didn't think donkeys were particularly cute, well, you haven't met Penny.
Eye see: 2 April 2007: In looking to see the lovely sounding offices of the Inland Revenue at Benton Park View, Newcastle Upon Tyne, I was a bit impressed by how close you can zoom in to the eye.; One of my pet hates is housing developments that destroy, say, a buttercup meadow and then call themselves "buttercup meadow", basically because it sounds nice and increases the value of their property. Yep, I'm enraged just thinking about it. It's environmental rape as far as I'm concerned, but there y'go. And, in my ignorance, I'm just wondering if perhaps the Inland Revenue built their offices on Benton Park, and then called it Benton Park View. I'm thinking too that the building up and left of the one I've linked to is also theirs, they are in the habit of building nice buildings with our money (I don't begrudge them a nice place to work, but if it's lots nicer than everyone elses then that's an issue), I think this is the one in Nottingham.